Beep Beep we're going to Sparby's

[airlockedmods]

Once everyone's in the dick limo and they've watched the Fantasy Sweet burn down behind them (dodging the flaming debris once the pressure builds up enough inside to make the whole thing go nuclear), it's off to the nearest fast food planet.

Which...is about five lightdays away.

Luckily for you, you have your very own Personal Artistic License to keep you entertained. So PAL bounces around the back of the limo, sitting in every lap that will have him, as he tells the story of Kip from the day he hatched as a tiny, impressionable smeet to present.

Sparing absolutely no detail.

Especially about the part where Kip failed his navigator's exam because he stopped at Then-Foodcourtia and crashed the ship into one of the greasy pustules that had sprouted on the planet's surface, destroying the aircraft and boiling his instructor alive in the fiery grease of hell.

So now there's a dick limo parked in the Sparby's parking lot. For anyone who had Arby's or Arby's-adjacent restaurants on their home planet... The menu's not much different. Everything meat-based is 100% beef, the milkshakes look delicious, and of course there are turnovers (apple, cherry, and chocolate).

Which... well, catch Kip and PAL in the corner shoving milkshakes and turnovers in their faces tbh.]

Welcome to Sparby's, Survivors.
You earned it.

Comments

[cyan_maid]

[She squeaks softly, shakes her head.]

N-No...just...it's nice to meet you. All of you. In person.

[A pause.]

...I am so sorry, but I've seen nothing but memes of you on packages of Oreos for the past couple of weeks and it's rather surreal.

[scourgingstars]

...That's a new one.

[this man all but invented shitposting, jane.]

Would you like to start with a name, since I am quite sure you likely know all three of mine?

[cyan_maid]

A-Ah! Yes, I'm sorry! Gosh, where have my manners gone? [She laughs, a 'hoo' of a chuckle that's a bit weak.] My name is Jane Crocker! And yes, I do in fact know your numerous names, Mister Ardyn.

[scourgingstars]

Just 'Ardyn' is fine. [He held out a hand to her, smiling slightly.] I do apologize for the rather disorganized state we're in, it has been quite the eventful day.

[cyan_maid]

[She'll take that hand and shake it with a surprising firmness and strength. Not many small teenage girls have the amount of lady prowess Jane's packing.]

Maybe if we get to know each other a little bit - it's taken me a while to just use most everyone else's names. And I really don't blame you for that! It...sounds pretty eventful.

[Something burned down apparently]

[scourgingstars]

Very well, then. They're...

[slowly looks to Queenie about to murder Nine]

...A bit on edge.

[cyan_maid]

[...ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuck]

You know, I don't know what I expected. But that's not really the ideal sort of interaction I've been hoping for.

[scourgingstars]

Believe it or not, she's one of the reasonable ones.

[cyan_maid]

I do believe that. I've been making sure to pay attention to what's been going on with you all...mostly to look for clues as to where you were being kept, partially hoping that the Network might be sloppy about themselves. I didn't expect to learn that we're apparently in the year 6972.

[scourgingstars]

I've long since stopped trying to make sense of anyone's calendar. All that got me was a terrible headache.

[misanthropicprinciple]

--Oreos?

[Wh-what? Okay. Junpei's grouchy exterior is starting to crack. Please tell him the memes.]

[cyan_maid]

You have to see it to believe it.

[There is definitely a folder of memes saved on their space computer for the sole purpose of making people laugh]

[misanthropicprinciple]

[Nudges Ardyn in the arm.]

Dad, next stop, we definitely have to go hit up a conbini or a supermarket or something. Memes or no, I have to know if there's real, actual merch with your face on it.

[Back up to Jane:]

Are any of the rest of us countercultural currency?

[scourgingstars]

[you may be surprised]

...That actually does sound hilarious.

[cyan_maid]

As in...memes or on merchandise? Because the merch is...erm, you might not want to see what some fans come up with.

[There is a mousepad with Xander's butt and waaaaay creepier body pillows than Kip posing seductively.]

[misanthropicprinciple]

[Ohhhh my god.]

No. No, I really, really do.

[cyan_maid]

...You know those weirdos who mod their cars with pictures of those Japanese cartoon girls with the big boobs on everything and use body pillows as seat covers? Imagine a small spaceship done up that way with pictures of your girlfriend.

[serrata]

[ There's no words, just a muffled screech from where Yuuri's face has disappeared into her hands. ]

[cyan_maid]

I-I'm sorry! I think it's creepy too!!!

[misanthropicprinciple]

[And Yuuri's screech is just enough of a warning for Junpei Tenmyouji, Champion of Not Having a Sense of Self-Preservation, to not immediately blurt out, 'I'll buy it!']

That's. Terrible. The worst. Unbelievable.

[cyan_maid]

...Are you lying to me, buster?

[You're stalling.]

[desperateprayer]

................

[ CLARITH IS AFRAID TO ASK WHAT EXISTS OF HER. ]

[ratherdoweddings]

I thought we weren't telling them about the itasha!

[cyan_maid]

He asked!! It was the worst thing I could think of!!!

[motherfucking_ghost]

What the fuck is itasha?