Beep Beep we're going to Sparby's

[airlockedmods]

Once everyone's in the dick limo and they've watched the Fantasy Sweet burn down behind them (dodging the flaming debris once the pressure builds up enough inside to make the whole thing go nuclear), it's off to the nearest fast food planet.

Which...is about five lightdays away.

Luckily for you, you have your very own Personal Artistic License to keep you entertained. So PAL bounces around the back of the limo, sitting in every lap that will have him, as he tells the story of Kip from the day he hatched as a tiny, impressionable smeet to present.

Sparing absolutely no detail.

Especially about the part where Kip failed his navigator's exam because he stopped at Then-Foodcourtia and crashed the ship into one of the greasy pustules that had sprouted on the planet's surface, destroying the aircraft and boiling his instructor alive in the fiery grease of hell.

So now there's a dick limo parked in the Sparby's parking lot. For anyone who had Arby's or Arby's-adjacent restaurants on their home planet... The menu's not much different. Everything meat-based is 100% beef, the milkshakes look delicious, and of course there are turnovers (apple, cherry, and chocolate).

Which... well, catch Kip and PAL in the corner shoving milkshakes and turnovers in their faces tbh.]

Welcome to Sparby's, Survivors.
You earned it.

Comments

[cyan_maid]

[She raises an eyebrow. You're a horrid liar, Jumpy Tenmeowji.]

Hm. Of course. Yes, why not. Very admirable of you, Detective, taking the plunge to investigate this gross misuse of your dear dame's visage. If you happen to need another gumshoe on the case, please, do give me a call.

[Don't worry Yuuri she won't let him waste all y'all guys' credits on a creepy spaceship]

[misanthropicprinciple]

...You're seventeen.

[cyan_maid]

And yet I survived seven weeks in a small, high-stress environment where my friends were dying all around me. The five months before that were just as bad. I think I can help you beat up space perverts.

[misanthropicprinciple]

Oh, I just thought it was a little young for you to declare yourself a career gumshoe and all. Don't worry, I have no intention to underestimate your ability to destroy someone.

[cyan_maid]

Ah...not a career one, and honestly, I don't think I'd be able to take it up for real...but I do love to bust puzzles and figure out mysteries. Just...not about murder.

[She looks a little pale and glances away.] I've somehow latched onto far too much damning evidence and helped convict too many folks to...really consider it a viable career.

[misanthropicprinciple]

[He has a quip all ready for that, but it fades as he notes her expression. He watches her a moment longer, then glances down at the ring still dangling around his neck.]

...I know what you mean.

[She's only seventeen. Junpei allows a faint, sad, understanding smile to come out.]

If you ever want to talk about it with someone, uh... I mean, I'm not actually that experienced, really. I was only a PI for a year. But I saw some things. Even before this space mess.

[cyan_maid]

...I do believe I remember hearing you talk about deadly games before, if. If that isn't too invasive to say. I-I couldn't not try to watch out for you all if there was a chance we could save you.

[She'd dreamed of crashing the Temerity into the mansion many times. Many, many times.]

But...I'd like that. Thank you.

[misanthropicprinciple]

I wasn't even--well, yeah, those were pretty bad.

[People exploded. But he was thinking of his time as an investigator in between the Nonary Game and the Decision Game, when he saw the true horrors of killing without rules.]

The things human beings can do to one another are disgusting, no matter what situations they're in. So if you need to talk about the things you had to... see, and investigate, in order to survive... really. I understand. And I can listen.

[She's just a kid. He doesn't want her sleeping under the shower to wash the memory of blood off her skin.]

And don't worry about watching us. I've been planning on going through your round, too. To see what else we can put together about the real showrunners.

[cyan_maid]

[She piles up her blankets and sleeps on the floor, sometimes, a remnant buzzing in her mind that she needs a pile for some undercurrent, alien reason. Stays up too late at the computer screen staring at screenshots until her eyes hurt. Trains her hand to work with the grip of a knife that she keeps at her side constantly, the weight of the blade a promise, a hope, even now tied to her leg under her skirt because how do you go around in life unarmed anymore. Holds a Chocobo and a wizard rabbit in her arms so tight that she feels like her weird, dual life is mushed together into one messy jigsaw of death and blood that stains her hands red red r e d]

...If you really want to watch it? I can't stop you. But I can't watch us myself. I can't...relive it. Seeing other people go through it was hard enough.

[misanthropicprinciple]

Yeah. I wouldn't ask you to. I can manage with Nari.

[And anyone else who thinks they can stomach it.]

Want to compare notes sometime, though?

[The best coping method Junpei knows? Working and working and working until nothing works anymore. ...And then getting wasted as fuck.]

[cyan_maid]

[Jane will abstain from the alcohols. Cherub jujus are...enough, for you to never want to do a single drug again.]

I...I would. Yes, I really would like that...!

[misanthropicprinciple]

All right. Deal.

[And she's the first member of this new crew that Junpei's really smiled at.]

[cyan_maid]

[And in return, Jane beams.]