Beep Beep we're going to Sparby's

[airlockedmods]

Once everyone's in the dick limo and they've watched the Fantasy Sweet burn down behind them (dodging the flaming debris once the pressure builds up enough inside to make the whole thing go nuclear), it's off to the nearest fast food planet.

Which...is about five lightdays away.

Luckily for you, you have your very own Personal Artistic License to keep you entertained. So PAL bounces around the back of the limo, sitting in every lap that will have him, as he tells the story of Kip from the day he hatched as a tiny, impressionable smeet to present.

Sparing absolutely no detail.

Especially about the part where Kip failed his navigator's exam because he stopped at Then-Foodcourtia and crashed the ship into one of the greasy pustules that had sprouted on the planet's surface, destroying the aircraft and boiling his instructor alive in the fiery grease of hell.

So now there's a dick limo parked in the Sparby's parking lot. For anyone who had Arby's or Arby's-adjacent restaurants on their home planet... The menu's not much different. Everything meat-based is 100% beef, the milkshakes look delicious, and of course there are turnovers (apple, cherry, and chocolate).

Which... well, catch Kip and PAL in the corner shoving milkshakes and turnovers in their faces tbh.]

Welcome to Sparby's, Survivors.
You earned it.

Comments

[cyan_maid]

[...ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuck]

You know, I don't know what I expected. But that's not really the ideal sort of interaction I've been hoping for.

[scourgingstars]

Believe it or not, she's one of the reasonable ones.

[cyan_maid]

I do believe that. I've been making sure to pay attention to what's been going on with you all...mostly to look for clues as to where you were being kept, partially hoping that the Network might be sloppy about themselves. I didn't expect to learn that we're apparently in the year 6972.

[scourgingstars]

I've long since stopped trying to make sense of anyone's calendar. All that got me was a terrible headache.

[cyan_maid]

I don't think it terribly matters in regards to our homes...only in this...universe. Reality. Whatever you want to call it.

[scourgingstars]

Whatever it is, I doubt very much that the specific dating system ranks very high on the list of current priorities. At least I would hope so.

[cyan_maid]

It's something I'd like to know, at least. If it gives us any context about InterGal7, I want to put it to use against them.

[scourgingstars]

That's a fair enough point. I don't suppose we've anything substantial on them, do we? Names, location, anything at all?

[cyan_maid]

Not much. I...had been certain that Kip had to know something, he did the voiceover work on our "season" and hosted a show about it, but...he's just a little green guy who likes sugar way too much.

[scourgingstars]

I'm afraid we're out of luck on that front, he's quite out of a job. I doubt he knows much of how to find his former employers, but it may be worth asking later.

[cyan_maid]

...At the very least...I'm going to count all of you getting out of there as a victory against them. Seriously? Fuck these people.

[scourgingstars]

We also very decidedly destroyed the entire facility, so overall I would count that as well.

[cyan_maid]

[...Hesitantly, Jane holds a hand up. Does the Champion of the Infernian do hi-fives...?]

[scourgingstars]

[This is notably a first for him.]

[However, high-fives very much do exist where he's from.]

[You're damn right Jane's getting one.]

[cyan_maid]

[Fuck. Yeah.]

Hmm. I think you and I are going to get along just fine, Mister Ardyn. Tell me, do you like cookies?

[scourgingstars]

I haven't had a sense of taste for two millennia.

I will try nearly anything at least once.

[cyan_maid]

[As tired and conflicting in emotions as she's felt all in the span of this short time she's come face-to-face with the people she's been dying to save, Jane's face breaks out into something sunny, bright, and excited at that.]

Oh, then I am definitely making something if we're all sticking together for a little while. If we have the credits. Gracious, I will admit to being jealous of that wonderful kitchen you all had until people started doing horrid things with food.

[Poisoning. She means poisoning.]

[scourgingstars]

Oh, you've little need to worry about that immediately. I took it with us.

[And Ardyn's face broke out into something that was half-smirk, half-smile, and all trouble incarnate.]

I believe I got nearly everything but the refrigerator and the oven, those seemed a bit much even for me.

[cyan_maid]

[Holy shit

Jane's mouth falls open, and she brings a hand to her chest. For a few moments she literally can't make a sound, until...]

...I am going to cook literally everything. We have a fridge and an oven-stove thing and if you will let me, I'm going to make everyone in here cake for days.

[scourgingstars]

I think Queenie and Yuuri will more than welcome a kitchen with another set of hands. I certainly will, I still can't cook.

[cyan_maid]

Hoo hoo! Then you are very much in luck!

[Her beaming is honest and excited - she may or may not be slightly vibrating at the possibility of working with real ingredients - but then something occurs to her, and her eyes widen and she goes still.]

Oh! Oh, that's right, I wanted to ask you something specifically, Mister Ardyn - since you're apparently a rather long-lived man, and you know about the Chocobos.

[Yes, Jane. The Chocobos.]

Have you ever...heard of, or met a woman named Lightning Farron? Or been to a place called...Nova Chrysalia?

[scourgingstars]

[Ardyn frowned slightly, thinking--he had a lot of memories to sort through, some of them still scattered and possibly unreachable despite the fact that he'd generally recovered.]

There's nowhere on Eos called 'Nova Chrysalia'--it could possibly have been part of Solheim before Lucis was founded, but that would be before even my time.

And I don't...think I've ever met anyone by that name, or if I have I don't recall.

[cyan_maid]

...Oh.

[And just like that, Jane is crestfallen.]

Thank you. I'm sorry, I just...was wondering. She was the one who told me about Chocobos. Her world has them too, and I'd hoped...

[scourgingstars]

I'm sorry that I couldn't be of more help.

[well, he's sure seen that look on just about everyone he walked in here with.]

...Were you close?

[cyan_maid]

[Airlocked is a shitpost of a game with lots of hilarious moments.]

...She'd...become like a mother to me. I'd never had one before.