Welcome to the Program

[airlockedmods]

Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.

[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.

Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]

Comments

[quadjumps]

...Oh.

[ well, shit. ]

So everything in zombie movies is a lie? You don't turn within a couple of hours of getting bitten?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nope. No near death state, no zombie. Like I said, The virus is pretty damn weak, so it needs your immune system ta be in a similar state ta get past it.

[No Zombie apocalypse in space anytime soon.]

Good taste in movies though! Zombie movies are the ultimate mixture of pleasure and panic! Ya can't beat an good zombie movie, and even the shitty ones are automatically better if they have zombies in 'em!

[quadjumps]

Is everyone a zombie where you come from? Is this normal?

[ because this should not be happening right now. yuri is still in disbelief. ]

Not just movies. They have tv shows on them, too. God--this can't be happening!

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nah, I'm just one of many liminal races! Though really, it's more of an condition, but we're listed as one, so whatever! Humans only really found out we weren't fake like... almost a year or two ago or something?

[It's kinda vague, but that sounds about right.]

Though I'd say Centaurs, Lamias, Harpies, Ararchne, Mermaids, Slimes, and a shit ton of other stuff being real is waaaaaaaaaaay more surprising than zombies being real.

[Oooooh Tv shows.]

Oh yeah, can't forget Tv! Sometimes it's even better since the story gets stretched out longer!

[quadjumps]

So how'd you die, then? You must've been a human before, right?

[ yuri do not ask that-- ]

Wait--you have all of that stuff, too? Geez, it's like you're straight out of a sci-fi novel or something. What next? Unicorns?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Shit happened then boom, Zombie.

[That's not an explanation Zombina!]

Yup. All zombies were human before, well, unless you are a Frakenstien's Monster. I'm not though, so yeah I was human once. It seems like a long time ago to me now.

[ Zombina snorts at the idea of unicorns. also Sci-fi novel? try slightly trashy harem manga.]

Pfft, nah, Unicorns are still fake as shit. All Limenal species are sentient and can talk and shit. I guess a good way ta describe 'em would be like... Monster girls and dudes?

[She'd like unicorns to be real though. She could ride one off into the sunset while shooting both her guns into the sky. That would make an awesome metal cd cover.]

[quadjumps]

That's it? That's all you're gonna tell me? Shit, I thought you went on an adventure or something and got mauled by a pack of wolves.

[ that's not that exciting yuri ]

So you have mermaids but no unicorns. That's disappointing.

[ is he joking? hard to tell. maybe not, with that disgruntled expression he's still wearing. ]

None of you are supposed to be real. This "different worlds" thing still doesn't make sense, but okay.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

There arn't wolves in Japan. But man, that's a way better story than what probably really happened.

[Headcanon time gooooooo!]

But yeah, it wasn't exactly my best moment y'know. Can't really remember most of what happened. I was too busy dying ta pay much attention. It was an looooong time ago anyway.

[Aaaanyway.]

I know right? We got so much shit, but none of 'em are unicorns! I call bullshit on that one. My world got totally gypped.

[Zombina shrugs.]

Welp, it's happening and is hella real, so denial ain't gonna be getting us anywhere anytime soon, so let's just go with the flow for now.

[quadjumps]

[ god zombina is so much to handle ]

I'm almost convinced that this is all some shitty bad dream or something. People don't just come back as zombies--none of this should be happening.

But here we are, I guess.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

If it an dream, then it better qualify as an awesome one. It has me in it after all!

[Pause.]

Though yeah no, in all super seriousness, it does seem like an overall shitty dream, except for the people so far. Some of them are pretty rad.

[quadjumps]

Most people here are a bunch of morons.

[ WOW. ]

...Are you considered to be alive or dead?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Eh, if they are then hopefully they're fun ones!

[Zombina!]

Living Dead~!

[Zombina don't be an smart ass.]

[quadjumps]

I said alive or dead! Not both!

[ COME ON ]

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

It can be argued either way~! The Living Dead is one of the legit names ta call my species by, so it totally can be both!

[ZOMBINA. ZOMBINA NO.]

[quadjumps]

Just fucking choose one!

[ HE'S NOT HAVING IT ]

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Fiiiiine, fiiiiine.~

[Don't want him to run off or something from frustration.]

Personally I'd say I'm alive since I'm still y'know, here and shit. Able ta do things, talk ta people, and other human things. But hey, whadda ya think? Alive or dead? It can be argued either way, but that's just my take on it.

[quadjumps]

[ finally. THANK YOU. he's still seething but at least she finally answered the question?! ]

I don't know--alive? You can still be killed, can't you?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Not easily. I'll be able ta keep going as long as part of my brain is still intact. Ya'd probably hafta destroy my whole head if ya wanted ta take me out!

[Tldr, she's a more fleshy and hotter terminator.]

[quadjumps]

Yeah, but there's still a way you can die completely is what I'm saying.

So I guess I'm leaning more towards alive.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

I guess that's a good way ta think about it.

[Zombina shrugs.]

I've never really thought too deep about it ta be honest.

[quadjumps]

What about eating? How do you live? Do you eat regular human food?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Pretty much almost the same as an normal human! S'kinda a boring answer, but it's true. Only a few deviations here and there, like stretches before going ta bed ta prevent rigor mortis, and getting my preservative fluids replaced every three weeks so I don't start rotting.

[quadjumps]

God...

[ this is so, so weird. he still can't believe he's hearing all of this? ]

You really aren't kidding, huh?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nope! Nooooot at all! Trust me, I wish I was kiddin' 'bout the rigor mortis. It's a total pain in the ass ta deal with.

[quadjumps]

So you just get really stiff and shit? I didn't know zombies had all the added dead body-effects.