Welcome to the Program

[airlockedmods]

Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.

[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.

Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]

Comments

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Fiiiiine, fiiiiine.~

[Don't want him to run off or something from frustration.]

Personally I'd say I'm alive since I'm still y'know, here and shit. Able ta do things, talk ta people, and other human things. But hey, whadda ya think? Alive or dead? It can be argued either way, but that's just my take on it.

[quadjumps]

[ finally. THANK YOU. he's still seething but at least she finally answered the question?! ]

I don't know--alive? You can still be killed, can't you?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Not easily. I'll be able ta keep going as long as part of my brain is still intact. Ya'd probably hafta destroy my whole head if ya wanted ta take me out!

[Tldr, she's a more fleshy and hotter terminator.]

[quadjumps]

Yeah, but there's still a way you can die completely is what I'm saying.

So I guess I'm leaning more towards alive.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

I guess that's a good way ta think about it.

[Zombina shrugs.]

I've never really thought too deep about it ta be honest.

[quadjumps]

What about eating? How do you live? Do you eat regular human food?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Pretty much almost the same as an normal human! S'kinda a boring answer, but it's true. Only a few deviations here and there, like stretches before going ta bed ta prevent rigor mortis, and getting my preservative fluids replaced every three weeks so I don't start rotting.

[quadjumps]

God...

[ this is so, so weird. he still can't believe he's hearing all of this? ]

You really aren't kidding, huh?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nope! Nooooot at all! Trust me, I wish I was kiddin' 'bout the rigor mortis. It's a total pain in the ass ta deal with.

[quadjumps]

So you just get really stiff and shit? I didn't know zombies had all the added dead body-effects.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yup, but like, I can get completely paralyzed and shit from it too! Like, if I forget ta do stretches before I go ta sleep, I can wake up completely paralyzed! A quick massage will get me up and movin' again, but until that happens, I'm stuck.

[Rigor mortis is the worst.]

[quadjumps]

...I can't believe I'm hearing all of this.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Well ya are! Things can only get crazier from here! Maybe there's someone stranger than me here!~

[quadjumps]

I highly doubt that.

[ seriously... ]

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nooooope!~ It's gonna happen now that ya said ya doubt it!

[quadjumps]

I don't think anyone here's as weird as you. You're a literal zombie. Nothing tops that.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Ya sure? Are ya really truly sure?

[We have a Homestuck. Prepare to eat your words. Maybe he has a point.]

'Cause I'm hearing the start of an bet right there!

[quadjumps]

How would you measure that, anyway? Isn't weirdness subjective?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Huh. I guess we just get everyone ta vote or somethin. Majority rules!

[CAN YOU REALLY BRING DEMOCRACY IN ON THIS THO?]

[quadjumps]

Hah! Fine, you're on! I'll win, you'll see.

[ HE IS VERY CONFIDENT ]

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Righto! So what does the winner get then? A favor or something? I'm thinkin' a favor.

[quadjumps]

Sounds good to me!

[ that could come in handy... ]

Anyway, you go set it all up. I'm gonna be running in the hallway.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Right, right. See ya whenever Yuri-kun!