Welcome to the Program

[airlockedmods]

Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.

[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.

Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]

Comments

[photoshooter]

Mmmmm, those aren't gods I'm familiar with, but to me mostly what the gods say sounds like "RARRGHHBLARGHLEBLARGH SKREEEEE smash smash smash!"

[He raises both his hands into monster claws to demonstrate and mimes smooshing people against the table, then shakes his head and shrugs, crossing his arms once more.]

But that's just me.

[lmafo]

Whoah, your gods are hardcore.

[photoshooter]

Well, mostly they're asleep and don't really socialize, but my best bud's duty is to go around meeting them all and asking for their help so he can get the Crystal back from the Empire and take back the throne.

[lmafo]

That sounds like some kinda jrpg thing, not gonna lie. Cool, though.

[photoshooter]

You know, I told him exactly the same thing? I said, "This is just like King's Knight!" And I was right! ...Except it's a little less fun fighting for our lives all the time IRL.

[lmafo]

I know that feel, buddy. Random encounters suck in the real world.

[photoshooter]

Yeah, it's... [The more he thinks about it, the more he deflates.] I... I mean, we still managed to have fun for a while, but...

[...But after a second of that, he shakes his head and visibly brightens.]

But it'll be okay now! Once we find a way out of here, all I have to do is get Lady Lunafreya back to Altissia in one piece, and together, she and Noct will find a way to put everything back the way it was.

[lmafo]

[ oh thank god for that inner child ]

Sounds like a plan, man.

[photoshooter]

Yeah! It still sucks that we're kidnapped, but I'm really glad I was if it means I can get her back to Noct safely.

[...]

Uh, and everyone else, too, of course! Just, you know. I actually know where back is for her.

[lmafo]

Nah, it's cool, I get you. I guess that's a bonus, I won't be in prison when we get out of here.

[photoshooter]

You were in prison?

[Who on or off Eos would put such a nice girl in jail?]

[lmafo]

Yup! Taken in by the spookiest most dangerous dog-girl the Batterwitch had on hand. Still not exactly sure what she wanted with me.

[ she got dumped in here right after, oops ]

[photoshooter]

[Slowly, he tilts his head.]

Dog-girl?

[You mean, like one of those internet furries?]

[lmafo]

[ Just like, Prompto. ]

She's a girl but also a dog, but just kind of... in the ears? And the powers.

[photoshooter]

Really? Haha, that sounds like the kind of thing I'd find in one of my friend's comic books.

[Noctis Lucis Caelum is a big anime nerd, you heard it here first in Season 1, folks.]

[lmafo]

Right? But nope, totes real, she's not even a lil anime. It's just a bummer she's evil rn.

[photoshooter]

Aw, yeah, that's really awful. I can't believe someone would use a dog--or, uh, a dog-girl--for evil. Dogs are so good. There are no bad dogs, only bad dog owners.

[lmafo]

Well she has like the worst owner ever right now, so it makes sense. My bff is evil too right now, but she's just brainwashed, not a dog.

[photoshooter]

What? Oh no! What happened? Is she okay?

[lmafo]

I'll figure something out when I get out of here, she got this brain control computer put on her head? It sucks, yo.

[photoshooter]

Eeyeeghh. [He shudders.] I know people talk a lot about smartphones and computers taking over our lives, but that sounds like some seriously messed up magitek. You think you can just, like, take it off of her?

[lmafo]

If I know my Batterwitches, it's not gonna be that easy. But I know there's gotta be something I can do, now that I got properly jailbroken. Heh, I can jailbreak her, maybe. Or at least her computer.

[photoshooter]

Right! So, first we break out of here, then we break your friend out of the clutches of the, uh... the Batterwitches? Did I get that right?

[lmafo]

Just the one, but yes. Welcome to the newly-formed Janeyquest.

[photoshooter]

Janeyquest, huh? Can't wait for all the EXP I'm gonna get from completing this one!