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theairlock2017-10-16 12:01 pm
airlockedmods) wrote in theairlock2017-10-16 12:01 pm
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Welcome to the Program
Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.
[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.
Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]
[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.
Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]
Cafeteria
[ Hello, yes, you now have 1 Zombie up in your face and checking your arm.]
Geez dude, If you're gonna poke around one of these things, then ask the person who can't feel pain ta let you look at theirs! I mean what if these things can blow up or someshit?! I mean, I wouldn't be opposed to having an extra arm in case one of mine gets fucked up, but that's besides the point here!
[She's the only one that can easily replace her arm here!]
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He pulls his arm away sharply.] What the hell do you think you're doing? [Also slow down holy shit. Wait. Wait a second. Hold on.] ...Are you seriously offering yourself up to experiment with these things? Despite what just happened? Are you insane?
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I was making sure your arm is still working! I mean holy shit I'm the fucking zombie here not you!
[Excuse her as she raises an eye at that and laughs. Yeah she proooobably has some brain damage to one degree or another.]
Eh, not the first time I've been called insane! But no really, it's not like it's an entirely bad idea with the right person. It's not like we got anything to do but sit on our asses waiting for the fucks who kidnapped us to explain shit. I dunno about you, but I hate having to sit still when I could be getting shit done. It bores me and pisses me off.
[Zombina grins, showing off her mouth of fangs.]
Plus, what's a little pain gonna do to someone who's already dead. I can literally just rip my arm off and leave it with you to tinker with to your hearts content. Though uh, I'd need some needle and thread to reattatch the thing, so yeah I guess that'd probs be an bit of an issue. But it says there's an art room on the mini-map thing, so there's probably some there.
[Le shrug.]
Soooooo yeah. I'm up for it if you are. You look like you know what your doing and as long as ya don't break the thing, I'm up for it. It said deactivate or tamper with it not look at it's insides. S'long as ya don't change anything or turn it off, we'll proooobably be fine.
[Zombina you probably should not be this uber casual about ripping your arm off and leaving it with some sixteen year old who vaguely looked like he knew what he was doing.]
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These things are supposed to be able to check vitals. But you don't have any, do you? Can you even be murdered if you're already dead, in all technicality? [Also in all technicality he supposes the answer is yes. Noa and Gozaburo were both, to be fair, dead in some fashion and still died with terrible finality again. But those were different circumstances not involving zombies.]
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[Zombina shrugs and waves her hand dismissively at the next question.]
Eh, I doubt it. Can't kill what's already dead. I may be the world's liveliest corpse, but I'm still a corpse! But I guess if I'm still talkin' and walkin' then I count as alive enough for them. Zombies are also called the living dead for a reason!
[Also the walking dead. Great show. Zombina gives it a 10/10 for the awesome zombie effects.]
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[ Zombie 101 Exposition incoming!]
Well I guess I'm still sorta alive in that I have enough brain activity going on to continue functioning? Also while Zombies do count as a liminal race slash extra-species race or whatever ya wanna call 'em, we're more of an condition.
Like in the awesome movies about my kind, I were ta bite ya- or I guess prick you with a tooth, that'd work too since it doesn't need to be attached to me still to work, but where's the fun in that- then ya'd turn into a zombie.... if you were already close to death that is. If you're in good health and not on death's door, then my bite can't do shit 'cause the immune system can fight the virus off.
Otherwise, you're officially an awesome zombie! The only downside to the pretty much immortality is a lotta things. Like you pretty much can't feel pain. I mean you still have pleasure, but if you're as torn up as me, then a little pain to let you know 'Hey Zombina, you're fucking hand's fallen off again!' might be convenient. Ah right, you don't heal either, so if you get any tears or injuries then ya either gotta sew it back up or get another part entirely. So if ya don't take good care of yourself, you'll end up looking like me! But as long as enough of your brain is still intact, then you can survive some serious bullshit.
[She's pretty much patchwork.]
It makes for a great prank though, pulling off limbs! There's also rigor mortis. It'll happen if ya stay still too long. This makes sleep an huge pain in the ass though, 'cause if ya forget to do stretches before sleeping, then you'll be totally immobilized in the morning until someone massages ya.
[Speaking from experience there.]
Ah yeah, we don't have blood anymore either. Y'aint really got that shit anymore. Thanks to science, modern Zombies get preservative fluids made to be as blood like as possible but are toxic as hell to everyone who's not a zombie. Ya need ta get it replaced every three weeks or you'll start to rot and shit.
You'll still be functional-well until you're not- but if ya don't get more, then your brain will rot and you'll be like the Early Zombies from before preservative technology and shit. I mean, you'll still be going, but all the Early zombies' who's brains' aren't entirely still there are at the level of being in the state of a dude who just woke up from sleep.
If they don't wanna rot anymore then they gotta stay inside a refrigerated room most of the the time and can only go out in the winter! Sounds like an shitty and boring life to me.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that was Zombie 101 with me, Zombina-chan!
[Yes, she is literally named Zombina.]
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...You must have access to some particularly advanced medicine for such a thing to be possible.
You also must have had a life before you encountered this infection. A different name, for instance.
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[OH BOY. HEADCANON TIME.]
Well duh. Only the Frankenstein's Monsters don't have former lives outta us Zombies. Buuuuuut I ain't exactly the same person as I was back then and I've gotten pretty damn torn up over the years. It's hard ta remember what parts were originally mine or not. I mean, one of the few I remember are my eyes.
[Zombina taps bellow her right green eye and then her left yellow one.]
The right one's mine, but the left's a transplant 'cause I lost that one. A lot's happened, but no point in mulling over the past.
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Did you give yourself your name? You could always change it to something...more like an actual name. Do you do much fighting in order to be losing parts left and right?
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[Ooooh fighting. That gets a grin out of Zombina. Congrats,
you get to hear her regale you with a tale of her badassery.]
Hell yeah I do! Or well, now I do officially for Monster Ops: Neutralization, or M.O.N fer short! 'Cause of the loophole in the new Extraspecies Laws that bans violence against liminal species, the police can't touch extra-species law breakers, so me and three other girls were round up by Agent Smith ta form M.O.N.! We had our first job yesterday when some Orcs calling themselves the Pioneer Orc Renaissance Kinsmen took over a store called Libido Doujin. Their demands were really fucking stupid.
[Zombina makes a face as she continues.]
They started demandin' that all mainstream erotic manga be changed to Orc x Royal Knight and Orc x a buncha other shit like, sister, school teacher, elf, courtesan, office lady, magical girl... I think that was all of them, but they went on for a while. I let myself get caught sneaking through the vents, but it was really fucking rude of them to shoot me down. I mean geez, the leader couldn't even take an insult before shooting me like a dozen times point blank in the boobs. Like seriously, that would've fucking hurt if I was human still!
[Excuse her for whining a bit at that part.]
Those fucking Oder fetish pigs couldn't tell I was a zombie though, so I kept with the plan and played dead. It got real damn hard to stay that way when the pigs started molesting Doppel-chan- she's one of my teammates. Kinda a litte brat at times and never puts on any fucking clothes. Though I guess as an Shapeshifter that might fuck with her transformations and her hair generally hides most things so whatever- ah, anyway! She transformed herself ta look like a popular character called Mako-chan. She got them to the front of the store windows and got the curtains open before they started getting too handsy with their grubby mitts, so the stage was set for Manacchi!
[Zombina's been making energetic hand gestures as she's been talking, but they really pick up the pace as she gets closer to her part.]
Ya see, Manacchi- erm- Manako-chan's an Monoeye, so her eyesight's super amazing! We had her ontop of a building 2km away from the targets so they couldn't smell her- Orc's have an smell range of 1km- and she managed to snipe all of their guns with one shot per gun in like a few seconds! I mean, I hate to see a good gun go like that, but it was still really fucking awesome! Then when the Orcs tried to run over to their hostages Tio-chan burst through the wall in her armor! She took down two of the fucks with one hit each! Then again, Tionshia-chan's an ogre, so it's not that big a surprise. Still fucking awesome though.
The Orcs were down all their hostages and starting to panic, so they were thinking of usin' Doppel-chan as a human shield, but one of 'em started ta point out that their guns were all broken so I said "Then why don't I lend ya one of mine?" And pumped the two of them fulla lead with my two PP-2000's!
Orcs have real damn thick skin, so they'd be fine afterwards, but totally outta the fight. So then I got grabbed from behind by the leader and the dude said he was gonna snap my spine in half, but then bam!
[Zombina slams a palm down on the table for effect.]
I turned my PP-2000's around and shot him through me! I gained so much weight from all those bullets that got stuck in me in the process, but it was totally worth it to see the look on his face! So he was like "How are you still alive?!" and I showed him all the fucking holes in my chest and was like "I'm already dead! Say hello to Zombina-chan! Now kneel before me you moe pigs!"
He didn't kneel like a dumbass and threatened to snap Doppel-chan's neck but then she did a badass kick right into the bottom of his chin and detransformed. So then our human boss Agent Smith came in and was like "Now be good and surrender. Or would you rather I turn you into porkchops?" The dude surrenderd, but then started taunting us that he'd only get forced repatriation as his punishment 'cause of how the laws worked. So then Agent Smith shot 'em with some rubber bullets. He started to protest that was against the law, but Doppel-chan turned into Agent Smith and walked out with us ta give her an alibi and let the pig get some kinda punishmet outta this. And that was M.O.N.'s first mission! Whaddya think? Was I awesome, or was I awesome?
[She's practically preening after telling that story.]
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Nothing about anything you just said sounded in the slightest bit realistic.
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[Some of your card games are just as ridiculous Kaiba.]
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Not what I meant, but whatever helps you sleep at night.
...If you sleep.
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[ZOMBINA NO.]
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[ZOMBINA. ZOMBINA STAHP.]
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[That gets an laugh out of her. Well played Kaiba, well played.]
I totally walked into that one!
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[More laughter from Zombina.]
Niiiice one!