theairlock | Welcome to the Program

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Welcome to the Program

Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.

[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.

Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Zombina's a great name!...... Okay yeah 's a little on the nose, but I ain't really ever been that great at subtlety.

[Ooooh fighting. That gets a grin out of Zombina. Congrats,
you get to hear her regale you with a tale of her badassery.]

Hell yeah I do! Or well, now I do officially for Monster Ops: Neutralization, or M.O.N fer short! 'Cause of the loophole in the new Extraspecies Laws that bans violence against liminal species, the police can't touch extra-species law breakers, so me and three other girls were round up by Agent Smith ta form M.O.N.! We had our first job yesterday when some Orcs calling themselves the Pioneer Orc Renaissance Kinsmen took over a store called Libido Doujin. Their demands were really fucking stupid.

[Zombina makes a face as she continues.]

They started demandin' that all mainstream erotic manga be changed to Orc x Royal Knight and Orc x a buncha other shit like, sister, school teacher, elf, courtesan, office lady, magical girl... I think that was all of them, but they went on for a while. I let myself get caught sneaking through the vents, but it was really fucking rude of them to shoot me down. I mean geez, the leader couldn't even take an insult before shooting me like a dozen times point blank in the boobs. Like seriously, that would've fucking hurt if I was human still!

[Excuse her for whining a bit at that part.]

Those fucking Oder fetish pigs couldn't tell I was a zombie though, so I kept with the plan and played dead. It got real damn hard to stay that way when the pigs started molesting Doppel-chan- she's one of my teammates. Kinda a litte brat at times and never puts on any fucking clothes. Though I guess as an Shapeshifter that might fuck with her transformations and her hair generally hides most things so whatever- ah, anyway! She transformed herself ta look like a popular character called Mako-chan. She got them to the front of the store windows and got the curtains open before they started getting too handsy with their grubby mitts, so the stage was set for Manacchi!

[Zombina's been making energetic hand gestures as she's been talking, but they really pick up the pace as she gets closer to her part.]

Ya see, Manacchi- erm- Manako-chan's an Monoeye, so her eyesight's super amazing! We had her ontop of a building 2km away from the targets so they couldn't smell her- Orc's have an smell range of 1km- and she managed to snipe all of their guns with one shot per gun in like a few seconds! I mean, I hate to see a good gun go like that, but it was still really fucking awesome! Then when the Orcs tried to run over to their hostages Tio-chan burst through the wall in her armor! She took down two of the fucks with one hit each! Then again, Tionshia-chan's an ogre, so it's not that big a surprise. Still fucking awesome though.

The Orcs were down all their hostages and starting to panic, so they were thinking of usin' Doppel-chan as a human shield, but one of 'em started ta point out that their guns were all broken so I said "Then why don't I lend ya one of mine?" And pumped the two of them fulla lead with my two PP-2000's!

Orcs have real damn thick skin, so they'd be fine afterwards, but totally outta the fight. So then I got grabbed from behind by the leader and the dude said he was gonna snap my spine in half, but then bam!

[Zombina slams a palm down on the table for effect.]

I turned my PP-2000's around and shot him through me! I gained so much weight from all those bullets that got stuck in me in the process, but it was totally worth it to see the look on his face! So he was like "How are you still alive?!" and I showed him all the fucking holes in my chest and was like "I'm already dead! Say hello to Zombina-chan! Now kneel before me you moe pigs!"

He didn't kneel like a dumbass and threatened to snap Doppel-chan's neck but then she did a badass kick right into the bottom of his chin and detransformed. So then our human boss Agent Smith came in and was like "Now be good and surrender. Or would you rather I turn you into porkchops?" The dude surrenderd, but then started taunting us that he'd only get forced repatriation as his punishment 'cause of how the laws worked. So then Agent Smith shot 'em with some rubber bullets. He started to protest that was against the law, but Doppel-chan turned into Agent Smith and walked out with us ta give her an alibi and let the pig get some kinda punishmet outta this. And that was M.O.N.'s first mission! Whaddya think? Was I awesome, or was I awesome?

[She's practically preening after telling that story.]

[It's the sort of story he's liable to just zone out on and only maybe vaguely pretend he was even listening, but the weirdness and lewdness just...has him staring. Seriously, orcs putting people in danger for erotic doujin? Just...what...what. What? What.]

Nothing about anything you just said sounded in the slightest bit realistic.