week 4

[airlockedmods]

[Four weeks in the Starfield Penitentiary and seven people have lost their lives to Blaze Dudely's cruel game. At some point the robots cleaned up the mess left behind and by Sunday the involved rooms (including the fridge) are all clean and free of blood. In fact there's no sign left of any of the deaths that have happened on the ship so far by at least the next day. The only physical signs that people are gone are the empty beds.

On Sunday morning, you may find that you're recovering a a few other things as well - both strange dreams and some new items.

In addition, there's a new set of doors at the end of the corridor, in the space between the infirmary and the exercise yard. Looks like you've got a new wing to explore.]



Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday

(( ooc: Don't forget to turn in your AC for Week 3, submit your memory regains, and put in your benefactor threads! ))

Comments

[tuskenlancer]

[ CT wakes up with a start, and lies staring at the ceiling for a long time before she moves.

Like last week, she'd awoken with a new memory. But last week's had been confusing, had explained nothing. She'd been doubtful that it was a memory at all. Falling in love with a man she'd never seen in real life. The confession of feelings, the kiss...It's the sort of sappy romance thing that happens to other people, not to her. She'd more or less dismissed it as a dream.

But this time, the man had been back. She'd contacted him, nervous, terrified, but determined. She had to let someone know. She had to tell someone. Do something, before the Director did anything worse.

She'd betrayed Project Freelancer. And suddenly, the single crime listed on her profile makes a lot more sense.

Treason.

She spends a while just wandering the ship, absorbed in her own thoughts and avoiding the Counselor at all costs. Later, once she hears the news about the kitchen being restocked, she can be found there, digging in and - like others - taking a few nonperishables for safekeeping. She's not stupid, and she's not going to spend another week in a state of near-starvation.

Of course, she's not about to skip out on exploring the new areas of the ship. She avoids the solitary cells - those look like absolute deathtraps - but spends some time in the license plate factory, mostly looking through the alien alphabets at the control panel to see if she does recognize them. ]

kitchen

[tokencanadian]

Do you need any help?

[Yo, guess who's also in here, looking through a cupboard.]

[tuskenlancer]

[ ...Actually, yeah. CT glances down at her pile of cans, then looks at Pyhrra. ]

Is there an extra can opener?

[ That she can take. And keep just for herself. ]

[tokencanadian]

[CT please.]

Umm... There might be? Have you found anything with the cans? At least in a dire situation, you could try using a knife or fork.

[tuskenlancer]

[ Sorry that's just who she is. ]

Nothing so far.

[ She nods, looking doubtfully at the can. ]

Yeah, if I had to.

[tokencanadian]

Well, there has to be one somewhere. [Her head tilts just so, to the side.] Unless they didn't think we would need more then one.

[They couldn't have expected to have a group of hoarders in here.]

[tuskenlancer]

They might not have.

[ Or maybe they just wanted to see them fight over that one precious can opener. Well, she's not going to be a part of that. CT shakes her head. ]

I'll just use a knife.

[tokencanadian]

Be careful with it.

[Is that a little dumb to say? Whatever, Pyrrha's the careful sort.]

You know how to use a knife for that, right?

[tuskenlancer]

Don't worry. I'm not gonna cut my finger off.

[ Somehow, she succeeds in not rolling her eyes. She's fine. She stacks up a few more cans, then glances over at Pyrrha. ]

You should do this too, you know.

[tokencanadian]

Stock food, you mean?

[She looks from CT, to the cupboards.]

I... would be lying, I guess, if I hadn't thought about it.

[tuskenlancer]

I know we'd be better off if we all just left it here, and shared it equally if we needed to, but...

[ Tragedy of the commons. She shrugs her shoulders. ]

I wouldn't trust these people to take care of you, if it came to that.

[neverheardofhim]

[Considering Varric's own state and need to wander, it took him more time than usual to process the fact that, just maybe, there might be something wrong with CT. He was self-aware enough a bit of his own trouble within her. And while he might have liked to have spent his time mentally warring with himself, there was no ignoring what his heart wanted.]

Hey. [His voice was rough, body still shaking free of its own troubles.] Come sit with me.

[tuskenlancer]

[ She looks at him without really registering anything for a moment, still caught up in her own thoughts. Then it hits her just how shaken up Varric looks and sounds. Not too different from how she looks, probably.

Without a word, CT nods, and goes to sit next to him, curling her knees up to her chest and hugging her arms around them. ]

[neverheardofhim]

[In truth, Varric hadn't expected her to comply with his demands. While he wanted to believe that their relationship was drifting toward the warm side, he still wasn't sure what to make of her demeanor at times.

Seeing her sat beside him, looking surprisingly vulnerable, felt wrong, despite knowing next to nothing about her. Being curled up with a book was one thing -- he was certain she could have defended herself in nothing flat that day. But seeing her wracked with emotion was something else entirely.

It felt altogether too much like the days following Leandra's death, when he watched the normally bright and quick-witted Marian Hawke stumble through the motions.

He wasn't sure if that likeness was a boon or a hindrance in this moment. Where Varric might have once hesitated to reach out to CT, out of concern for both her boundaries and the safety of his own limbs, he now reached out and rested a hand upon her shoulder.

He could only hope it would remain attached to his body.]

Rough night?

[tuskenlancer]

[ CT starts at the hand on her shoulder, but Varric doesn't move to do anything more, and she just kind of slumps again, accepting it. ]

...Yeah.

[ Bad night. Bad morning. Waking up here had been like going straight into another nightmare. ]

I...remembered something, I guess.

[neverheardofhim]

[Varric's grip loosened just a little as she flinched, but opted to remain there when she didn't pull away completely. He didn't dare push his luck, didn't even bother with a comforting sweep of the thumb or anything along those lines.]

Yeah, me too. [He glanced down to the ground, then back up to the woman.] Would you like to exchange tales?

[tuskenlancer]

[ She's silent for a long moment, staring vacantly down at the floor. Just when Varric might think she's not going to say anything at all, she speaks. ]

I...I betrayed my program. My government.

My friends.

[ All of them. Wordlessly, she opens up her own profile on her P.I.P., letting him see the single word listed beside "other notable crimes." Treason. ]

[neverheardofhim]

[It was hard to forget the word Treason on any profile, but especially not CT's. Not in the context of her knowing Dr. Price, and certainly not in a place like this.

At any other point, he might have worried, for both himself and those occupying the prison. But Price had proven to be a spineless coward, and while it wasn't much to go off of, Varric could hardly see why betraying him would be an issue.

That was just it, of course. He needed more context. And until he had that, he wouldn't pass judgement on his friend.]

Why?

[tuskenlancer]

[ She's silent for a long moment, scrubbing a hand restlessly up and down one thigh. ]

...I don't remember all of it.

[ It's frustrating, the way her memories seem to come in disconnected fragments, all out of order. CT doesn't have all the context either, and that doesn't make any of this any easier to understand or accept. ]

I know I felt like I...had to do it. I was scared. But I knew...I knew that what they were doing was wrong. What we were doing.

I couldn't just sit by and let it happen.

[neverheardofhim]

So you tried to do the right thing?

[Maybe it helped that he was a morally dubious dwarf who spent his time shooting those that gave him trouble, rather than playing by the rules. But trying to right a wrong... In theory, it wasn't so bad.

But then, Anders had been trying to right wrongs as well. It was a sobering thought, one that dampened his enthusiastic forgiveness of the woman.]

Did anybody get hurt?

[tuskenlancer]

No.

[ And then, because she feels compelled to be honest with him. With herself. ]

...Not yet.

I was just...feeding information. That's all I remember doing. I...I decided to...to do it, and I found someone. Someone I thought might be able to help.

[ She shakes her head. ]

I don't know what happens after that.

[neverheardofhim]

You ask me? I'd say you're a hero.

[That was the kind of shit Donnen would do, wasn't it? He'd exposed corruption and conspiracy before, after all. If he found that the city guard was doing something wrong, he'd find a way to put a stop to it. Granted, Donnen would be less subtle about it, but in Varric's opinion, that just made CT's story sound all the better.]

You're the kind of woman I'd write a story about. Hell, if it came down to it, I'd say you'd even rival Hawke herself.

[That was easy to say when the raven-haired mage wasn't staring down at him, of course. If nothing else, CT still gave her a run for her money.]

[tuskenlancer]

[ Hero. CT isn't so sure. She knows she'd acted on behalf of herself as much as anyone, after all. It would only be a matter of time before the Director's crimes were discovered. She didn't want to be on the wrong side when that happened.

She scoffs at his comparison of herself to Hawke, immediately rejecting the idea even as her cheeks color. The kind of woman... ]

The Champion of Kirkwall. No. I'm not...

[ She sighs, brushing her hair back where it hangs down on one side. Immediately, it falls back, obscuring half her face. ]

I'm not like her. I'm not like any of them.

[ Them. Hawke. Tex. Carolina. The others in Varric's story - Aveline, Isabela. She's not strong like them. She's not brave or tough, and she'll never be a hero like they are. ]

I'm not...Champion material, Varric.

[neverheardofhim]

What makes you so sure?

[He knew where she was coming from. There were a great many people who were eager to call Varric a hero after the Qunari attack. Naturally he'd deferred their attention to Hawke. He knew heroes, and they weren't dwarves with penchants for drinking and gambling.]

You've read the book. You know just as well as I do that you don't have to always be heroic to be a hero. I could write another book on all of Hawke's blunders. A third on all the times where I had to drag her out of bed to get something done.

[Maybe he should have considered himself a hero, considering just how arduous of a task it was to rouse the champion from her plush quarters.]

Being a hero isn't about who you are every day. It's about who you are when it matters. Hawke was a hero because she saved Kirkwall from those that would have brought it to its knees.

[He paused a moment, tapping a finger against his chin as he did.]

Do you think Hawke felt heroic when she had to kill her mother? She had to turn away from the one of the things that made her the woman she is today. I'd say you two at least have that much in common.

[tuskenlancer]

I'm not -

[ How can she explain? How can she make him see that she'd never measure up? CT lets out a slow breath, considering his words of encouragement, trying to untangle all her bottled-up feelings of apprehension and inadequacy that had come with Project Freelancer. ]

There was a...board, back at the Project. A leaderboard. Only the best soldiers reached the top. The smartest, the fastest, the strongest. People who didn't make mistakes.

[ Her own words to Wash, echoed back in the same bitter tone she'd used then. ]

I was never at the top. I was never even on the board. I wasn't good enough. When it counted, when it mattered...I fucked up. I made mistakes. I failed.