Beep Beep we're going to Sparby's

[airlockedmods]

Once everyone's in the dick limo and they've watched the Fantasy Sweet burn down behind them (dodging the flaming debris once the pressure builds up enough inside to make the whole thing go nuclear), it's off to the nearest fast food planet.

Which...is about five lightdays away.

Luckily for you, you have your very own Personal Artistic License to keep you entertained. So PAL bounces around the back of the limo, sitting in every lap that will have him, as he tells the story of Kip from the day he hatched as a tiny, impressionable smeet to present.

Sparing absolutely no detail.

Especially about the part where Kip failed his navigator's exam because he stopped at Then-Foodcourtia and crashed the ship into one of the greasy pustules that had sprouted on the planet's surface, destroying the aircraft and boiling his instructor alive in the fiery grease of hell.

So now there's a dick limo parked in the Sparby's parking lot. For anyone who had Arby's or Arby's-adjacent restaurants on their home planet... The menu's not much different. Everything meat-based is 100% beef, the milkshakes look delicious, and of course there are turnovers (apple, cherry, and chocolate).

Which... well, catch Kip and PAL in the corner shoving milkshakes and turnovers in their faces tbh.]

Welcome to Sparby's, Survivors.
You earned it.

Comments

[cyan_maid]

...

[Oh my god the color drains completely out of Jane's face. If she wasn't holding onto Xander, she'd be shaking. A lot.]

Wh...but...no...no...J-Jesus Christ...no, it would've been terrible if you were, but...

[She's suddenly really not hungry anymore]

[everylittlesecret]

...... Kipper told us you guys were. [She figures you're with the Doctor.] But he...... he's the reason we weren't in one. Which, to be quite honest, I vastly prefer.

[She would have broken quite a few pods.]

[cyan_maid]

But then how...

[Ugh, no, fuck it - questions should come later. Introductions she's been dreaming of for months, now.]

Ah, well, I suppose I'll have all the time to ask, now. [She holds out a hand, the one with the PIP-shaped bulge hiding under her cardigan sleeve.] My name is Jane Crocker, and...they called me the "Champion Heiress". I've really been looking forward to meeting as many of you as possible.

[everylittlesecret]

[She could give you an answer, probably.

Why are all these people shaking with their left hands???? She nods and returns the handshake.] Nari Nishitani of the Kijin Clan. Champion Elementalist. Kipper said you guys got out, but I figured you'da been caught by now. Or dead. Or homeless.

[cyan_maid]

[SOLIDARITY]

A fair amount of us are, technically, without a home to return to. But it's not something I'm worried about at the moment. The short term goal was to find all of you...and the long term is to save everyone else.

[everylittlesecret]

Save every- Oh! The dead? Yeah, Rainbow is taking care of that one. She's off to go see her dad about reviving our dead.

[cyan_maid]

Really?

[I mean. It's probably in a cool science way, but.]

Do...do you think it's possible, if...we found our friends, she could...help them, too? We don't know where they are, but, the Network's uploaded all our friends' consciousnesses to one simulation - it might be prudent if we had everyone together to fix whatever's been done to them.

[everylittlesecret]

She said her dad might know a way to jump start the connection between the brain and body or something... [She absentmindedly scratches hard at her skin.] They could probably do the same for yours.

[cyan_maid]

If that's possible...gosh - then we really have to find those pods they're in, immediately.

[There's a pause.] Hey, um...are you okay? You...didn't get a rash or anything did you?

[everylittlesecret]

[She stops scratching, blinking a few times before she realizes what she had been doing.]

Oh! N-No... I just......... we found out we have nanites in our bodies. Skeeves me out... apparently they keep working after death, too.

[cyan_maid]

[...Just...slowly gonna scrunch her nose and shiver, too.]

Wh...what in the heck. What do they need to put nanites in people for?

[everylittlesecret]

Well... nanites in science fiction are used for medical and diagnostic purposes. It believe it's about the same line of thinking with the ones inside of us, though usually your body passes them out through your kidney since they are supposed to stay in your bloodstream. I have a feeling that these are meant to stay much longer, and are more focused on tissue regeneration and nerfing a few of us than standard nanites. I could cut myself and heal at a faster rate than someone without nanites in them. [She points at the PIP.] I think this is the delivery mechanism.

[cyan_maid]

...

[Just. Balling her hands into fists to keep herself from doing anything stupid.]

...I hate that what you're saying makes sense...as if I didn't need another reason to want this thing off of me...

[everylittlesecret]

... I honestly don't mind it. It.......... It wouldn't be safe for me to be without some nerfing. It wouldn't be safe for anyone. I'm kind of a ball of anxiety at the moment.

[cyan_maid]

...Mm. Alright. I guess I have to give you that one. But I want mine off. The only thing more useless than a Maid of Life is a powerless Maid of Life.

[everylittlesecret]

........ Maid of Life sounds like something out of a religious order.

[cyan_maid]

Oh no, it's nothing like that. It's my Hero title-thingie from Sburb.

[Oh, Nari. Let Jane tell you...about Homestuck.]

[everylittlesecret]

Sburb? Is that some kind of MMO name? You a nerd?

[cyan_maid]

Hoo hoo, a little! But it's less an MMO and more a reality-altering video game. You literally get pulled into an alternate dimension called the Medium in order to create a brand new universe, since...your home one ends up destroyed. There's a lot of weird time travel stuff and...ectobiology, which is...confusing, I didn't have to do any of that. My teen Poppop did, though. I never got to talk to him, but I doubt he understood what he was doing, either.

[I mean, his father is technically Jake English, so...]

Ah, but it's really kind of complicated. I couldn't make up half of what happened.

[everylittlesecret]

Hm. [She takes a moment to process all this.] I'm more of a FPS and single player RPG person myself, so something like that would not really be my jam. But hey, as long as you had a little fun, it was worth it. Right?

[cyan_maid]

It wasn't fun in the least. We all died. Or...at least, I know I'm supposed to be dead for good. It took four attempts and my adoptive great-grandmother hijacking my brain for the stupid God Tier rules to decide that getting run through with a sword in my sleep was a Just death.

[everylittlesecret]

.......... You know, you're making Amnesia: The Dark Descent sound pleasant.

[cyan_maid]

At least you don't have to live for five months in that one with a limited amount of people to talk to, one of which being the most dense, handsome fanboy of Avatar to ever exist. Nor is Betty Crocker an evil alien empress who's lived for literal eons and somehow put the Insane Clown Posse in the White House and made Guy Fieri the High Chancellor of Interstellar War in that one, either.

[...What in the fuck.]

[everylittlesecret]

....................... Holy ever loving fuck. That makes Sburb sound like a damn bad acid trip.

[cyan_maid]

You know, we had one of those too? Alien candies will absolutely screw you up, so be careful of anyone who tells you a lollipop is actually a magical juju that will solve all your problems. But all that other stuff, according to my friends, actually happened in real life, after I got into the game. I was just too skeptical to believe that it could.