Beep Beep we're going to Sparby's

[airlockedmods]

Once everyone's in the dick limo and they've watched the Fantasy Sweet burn down behind them (dodging the flaming debris once the pressure builds up enough inside to make the whole thing go nuclear), it's off to the nearest fast food planet.

Which...is about five lightdays away.

Luckily for you, you have your very own Personal Artistic License to keep you entertained. So PAL bounces around the back of the limo, sitting in every lap that will have him, as he tells the story of Kip from the day he hatched as a tiny, impressionable smeet to present.

Sparing absolutely no detail.

Especially about the part where Kip failed his navigator's exam because he stopped at Then-Foodcourtia and crashed the ship into one of the greasy pustules that had sprouted on the planet's surface, destroying the aircraft and boiling his instructor alive in the fiery grease of hell.

So now there's a dick limo parked in the Sparby's parking lot. For anyone who had Arby's or Arby's-adjacent restaurants on their home planet... The menu's not much different. Everything meat-based is 100% beef, the milkshakes look delicious, and of course there are turnovers (apple, cherry, and chocolate).

Which... well, catch Kip and PAL in the corner shoving milkshakes and turnovers in their faces tbh.]

Welcome to Sparby's, Survivors.
You earned it.

Comments

[cyan_maid]

Oh no, it's nothing like that. It's my Hero title-thingie from Sburb.

[Oh, Nari. Let Jane tell you...about Homestuck.]

[everylittlesecret]

Sburb? Is that some kind of MMO name? You a nerd?

[cyan_maid]

Hoo hoo, a little! But it's less an MMO and more a reality-altering video game. You literally get pulled into an alternate dimension called the Medium in order to create a brand new universe, since...your home one ends up destroyed. There's a lot of weird time travel stuff and...ectobiology, which is...confusing, I didn't have to do any of that. My teen Poppop did, though. I never got to talk to him, but I doubt he understood what he was doing, either.

[I mean, his father is technically Jake English, so...]

Ah, but it's really kind of complicated. I couldn't make up half of what happened.

[everylittlesecret]

Hm. [She takes a moment to process all this.] I'm more of a FPS and single player RPG person myself, so something like that would not really be my jam. But hey, as long as you had a little fun, it was worth it. Right?

[cyan_maid]

It wasn't fun in the least. We all died. Or...at least, I know I'm supposed to be dead for good. It took four attempts and my adoptive great-grandmother hijacking my brain for the stupid God Tier rules to decide that getting run through with a sword in my sleep was a Just death.

[everylittlesecret]

.......... You know, you're making Amnesia: The Dark Descent sound pleasant.

[cyan_maid]

At least you don't have to live for five months in that one with a limited amount of people to talk to, one of which being the most dense, handsome fanboy of Avatar to ever exist. Nor is Betty Crocker an evil alien empress who's lived for literal eons and somehow put the Insane Clown Posse in the White House and made Guy Fieri the High Chancellor of Interstellar War in that one, either.

[...What in the fuck.]

[everylittlesecret]

....................... Holy ever loving fuck. That makes Sburb sound like a damn bad acid trip.

[cyan_maid]

You know, we had one of those too? Alien candies will absolutely screw you up, so be careful of anyone who tells you a lollipop is actually a magical juju that will solve all your problems. But all that other stuff, according to my friends, actually happened in real life, after I got into the game. I was just too skeptical to believe that it could.

[everylittlesecret]

.... ya know, I kind of want to put you in a bubble so that kind of shit never has a chance to happen to you again.

[cyan_maid]

[Okay, that's sweet. Jane chuckles, the 'hoo' sound so strange, coming from a teenage girl - it fits a mischievous old lady much better.]

I appreciate the sentiment, considering...well, I don't mean to sound creepy, since I was mostly watching for clues to where you all were, but...you definitely need to be kept away from a lot of things you had to deal with, too.

[everylittlesecret]

[That is amazingly adorable.]

...... I'll be fine. Really. Just. Need a decent night of sleep away from PAL, and I'll be fine.

[cyan_maid]

If we end up sticking together, I'll be happy to offer you one of the beds. I...end up in a pile of stuff on the floor most nights, anyway.

[everylittlesecret]

What? Why do you do that?

[cyan_maid]

...Sometimes it feels more comfortable. I don't...know why, exactly. I think it might be residual from...some stuff that happened.

[everylittlesecret]

[Jane...] I wouldn't mind a bed, but... I think I'll leave those for the couples. A corner is fine for me.

[cyan_maid]

[...FROWN.]

Oh no, you've all been sleeping in car seats, right? You need at least a night in a bed. And then...maybe, I don't know, we'll go get a giant ship and we'll ALL have beds and it'll be fantastic. But for now, please, I don't mind sharing.

[everylittlesecret]

They are pretty comfortable car seats, actually... I think it might do me some good sleeping on something hard for a while.

[cyan_maid]

Hm...as long as you think you'll be fine, then...I suppose. But you can't sleep on the floor forever. If anything, you can make a blanket pile. We - we ended up with a fair amount of blankets.

[everylittlesecret]

.... Did you guys just collect blankets?

[cyan_maid]

No, they were already here. And then we bought a couple more. They were fleecy and cheap and in a set.

[You can't ever have too many blankets.]

[everylittlesecret]

I think Queenie grabbed some of the ones we had. The Benefactors kept sending them like we needed them.

[cyan_maid]

Yeah, that's weird, right? So many gosh darned blankets...