The Mock Trial

[airlockedmods]

[Jesse McCree is dead, the first victim of, what the Overseers seem to hope, is a long game of motives and murder for whatever their reasons. With the investigation completed, C.E.C.E.'s voice comes over the system and directs the Champions to proceed to the locked elevator door at the end of the hallway. Once all Champions are on board, the elevator begins a slow descent down beyond any area that they've been able to explore so far. At least the elevator music is charming.

When the elevator door opens, the Champions enter a courtroom with 21 podiums arranged in a circle and each one marked with a name. McCree's face grins casually at the 20 surviving members from one of the podiums, a greyscale portrait in honor of the dead.]

Congratulations. We have now entered the trial portion of the test. I trust that you will do your best to determine who disturbed the peace by committing murder. Once the culprit has been found, they will face an appropriate punishment for their crime. If you fail to determine the culprit, however, they will be allowed to leave the space station and the rest of you will face punishment instead.

Comments

[mikooon]

I can hear you from over here! When this is all over, I'll show you what makes me the Champion of Furries!

[the worst thing is, they're all fucking gay

except tamamo is technically bi. THE ONE WHO CAN LIKE MEN IS AN ASSHOLE. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT]

[lycoctonum]

I thought that just meant you have the best tail.

[Look, she gets having a type or thinking maybe 'I don't want to date this' but... Wow. Wow.

Also she means literal tail. Because that's fluffy as fuck and she'd cuddle the hell out of it.]

[mikooon]

[everyone is inferior compared to her + Hakuno

in fact she insults her own wife's appearance at times LITERALLY]

...Well, that is true.

[lycoctonum]

You whacked me with it. It was very nice...You take good care of it.

1/2

[mikooon]

...

[is ginko hitting on her]

2/2

[mikooon]

Thank you very much, but I'd say only my Master is allowed to be hit with my tail from now on.

[Tamamo can deal with arguing without a sweat but this has. Taken a turn.]

[lycoctonum]

... Growl growl.

[Wait.]

I have Kureha. I wasn't interested.

[mikooon]

Oh, right, her. [At least PRETEND to remember your impassioned lesbian love advice speech, Tamamo.]

Just a word of advice, don't compliment other women on anything if you want to get official!

[THAT'S ONLY YOU, TAMAMO. LITERALLY SO INSECURE SHE CAN'T EVEN ACCEPT HAKUNO HAS OTHER FEMALE FRIENDS, UNDERLINE EMPHASIS 'FRIENDS']

[lycoctonum]

...I thought you were helping me get my promised kiss. [BETRAYAL. SHOTS FIRED. That hurt, Tamamo. She was just trying to help.]

Just because I compliment others doesn't mean I actually want to be with them.

[Besides she's fairly sure you'd taste bitter as hell if she kissed you, Tamamo.]

[strikemonster]

[................................. was that a proposition. it sounded like one.]

No thank you. Your personality is too unpleasant for me to be attracted to you in that manner.

[mikooon]

[what]

Attracted!? Wait, what on earth do you mean!? [She doesn't know what furry means. I'm so sorry.]

[strikemonster]

You propositioned me. I respectfully decline.

[she has two girlfriends, that's enough girlfriend for one small teenage girl.]

[mikooon]

I did nothing of that sort! I'm saying I'm going to beat you to the ground!

[Even if furries didn't mean what it DOES mean, that STILL won't make much sense.]

...I mean, challenge you with our champion titles.

[strikemonster]

[???????]

Does that mean you want to bowl, or be furries? [THOSE ARE. TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.] I suppose we could also bowl as furries.

[SOMEONE STOP THIS TRAINWRECK?????]

[mikooon]

Bowl or be... furries...

Well, it's not like you could ever beat me in being a furry! After all, everyone can see I have the best fur here. [THIS IS STILL NOT WHAT BEING A FURRY MEANS BUT LOOK AT TAMAMO'S EYES, SHE 100% BELIEVES WHAT SHE'S SAYING RIGHT NOW.] So let's bowl!

[semperperatus]

Hey! Focus!

[The hell is this conversation]

[refusedtoleave]

Nobody is bowling! And nobody is propositioning anyone!

[How did this even start?]

A man is dead and unless someone sneaked in here overnight, someone in the room did it!

[misplacedxsheath]

[Excuse you, as a gay man, Margulis finds the implication that being attracted to men is related to being a jerk...wait, no, he's just further proof.]

[mikooon]

[obviously, men are the real issue here]

[misplacedxsheath]

[Hey, at least he doesn't judge on looks. Just on Determination.]

[have_a_heart]

What does fur have to do with your personality?

[mikooon]

Nothing, just that I have the best.

[✨✨✨]

[misplacedxsheath]

If by 'best' you mean 'second mist obnoxious I've ever seen' then yes.

[mikooon]

Well, seeing what you think of as 'obnoxious', I'd love to meet the first!

[There are actually 8 other Tamamos and it's canon that they ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND EACH OTHER so that isn't true at all.]

[misplacedxsheath]

Hmph, no you wouldn't. That man is a burr on everyone's patience.