Welcome to the Program

[airlockedmods]

Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.

[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.

Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]

Comments

[theundertaken]

I mean, I have a ton of questions, and also some screaming, but that seemed pretty rude.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Scream away! It's always super amusing nine times outta ten when other do that! Feel free to ask any and all questions too!

[theundertaken]

....yeeeeeeeeeeeah, not gonna do it now. [screw that] So, what the fuck?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yer gonna hafta be more specific 'bout what yer referring ta.

[There's a lotta things that he can be referring to. Fuck is an very versatile and broad word.]

[theundertaken]

You're a zombie?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yup! Ya need proof? 'Cause I can totally take off an limb or something!

[theundertaken]

Please do not do that?

Just, uh, how. Why are you talking, and are you going to start rotting.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

I'm talking 'cause Zombies can do that in my world. We're not like the zombies ya see in movies.

[Zombina shrugs.]

I'm an modern Zombie, so we have preservative fluids instead of blood. It's toxic as shit to humans, but it keeps us from rotting. We need ta get the fluids replaced every three weeks though, or we'll start ta rot.

Sooo, ya don't need ta worry about me rotting anytime soon.

[theundertaken]

.......forrrrr three weeks. [Noted] What, uh, what did non-modern zombies do?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Rot. As long as they have some of their, brain, they can keep going though. They're always mentally the same as an person who's just woken up though, so some can be pretty slow on the uptake. They gotta stay in refrigerated rooms all the time and can only come out when it's winter if they don't wanna continue rotting.

[Sooooo.... shitty life tbh.]

[theundertaken]

What's the point of that?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Fuck if I know. I guess they can just go on the internet all day or something? Maybe? I'd take death over that kinda life though. It'd be boring as fuck.

[theundertaken]

It's the just-woken-up thing, for me. Like, if you can't even think right, it's not really worth it.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

I know right! Being apart of M.O.N. is an high action job, so if I became like that, my entire lifestyle would go kaput!

[theundertaken]

What's Mon?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

M.O.N. stands for Monster’s of a New Law. Me and three other liminal species gals are a squad made ta deal with extra-species who exploit the loophole in the Interspecies Protection Act. 'Cause of the law prohibiting violence against extra-species, the police can't use the force needed ta arrest any liminal species law breakers.

[So uh, a real major oopsie was made when writing that law.]

So that's where we come in! 'Cause we're also liminal species, we can legally kick their asses. We went out recently when an buncha Orcs callin' themselves the Pioneer Orc Renaissance Kinsmen took a Libido Doujin hostage and started demanding that mainstream erotic manga be changed ta Orc x Royal Knight and a buncha other similar stuff.

[theundertaken]

That's...disgusting, but okay. I've never heard of the law stopping cops from doing literally anything. They definitely shoot people.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yeah. It's not intentional. The law was kinda rushed since it was put into place with the public reveal of the existence of liminal species. We're more a temporary solution until they can find a better solution.

[theundertaken]

I mean, my point is more that they don't usually punish cops for breaking the law, but I don't know if I want to get into like, serious real-world issues while we're talking about a fucking zombie task force?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nah man, I'm the only zombie on the team. There's Manako-chan, Tionshia-chan, Tio-chan for short, and Doppel-chan!

[BOI. Let Zombina tell you about her teammates.]

Manako-chan's an monoeye, so she's an awesome sniper able ta see up ta 2km away! Real shy and kinda shitty depth perception though. Tio-chan is an ogre and's real big at like, 7'5". She's a real sweetheart though. She's our bruiser and bust through walls in her armor! Then there's Doppel, a shapeshifter. She's an total prankster! I wish she'd put some clothes on sometimes though. I know it's not her real form, but still! At least she keeps her hair long enough ta cover those parts.

[These are the people entrusted with enacting the law on unruly liminal species law breakers. God help us all.]

[theundertaken]

[Oh god, he hopes there's not gonna be a quiz on this.]

That's, uh. So she's Mystique, basically.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Uh....who?

[The fuck is a Mystique?]

[theundertaken]

Oh, it's a comic book. She's a shapeshifter who doesn't really wear clothes, but her natural form kinda has like...scales over the important bits, so.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yeah, just like that then!