week 6

[airlockedmods]

[Even with three deaths two weeks in a row, life in the Fantasy Sweet returns to some semblance of normalcy come Sunday morning. The messes are cleaned up, the bodies are safe in the morgue (or in Kip's case, still in a liquor bottle in the garden) and with this new week comes a fresh crop of returning memories.

There is no new floor this week.

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday



[ooc: Don't forget to to turn in your activity for week 5, submit your memory regains and put in your threads for the Benefactors!]

Comments

[motherfucking_ghost]

Hi. [That is not the most jubilant greeting ever.] Everything, uh, looking good here?

[desperateprayer]

...As good as it can. I'm... Going to do funerals for the rest of them later in the week. Now that I... Know what I'm doing.

[ ...For what it's worth, she doesn't sound as good as she usually does, either. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Y'know, nobody really has to know what they're doing to conduct a funeral. I mean it helps, but-- That's. That's nice. of you. To do that for them.

[desperateprayer]

...It didn't feel like I had that right. A nun who didn't even remember... Like I was just playing pretend. They... deserved better than that.

[motherfucking_ghost]

We don't have better. We have their bodies dressed up on display in the fucking morgue and some flowers in the ground. What we get and what we deserve never line up.

[desperateprayer]

.......

[ She just nods, quiet and meek. Is he angry at her? Did she... Not do enough? ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

I just--I just want them buried with some god damn dignity, and even then we're all just copies or printed off a machine or whatever. We might just get stitched back together and our memories erased and stuck back in for another round until we get it right.

I don't know how you're not angry. How can you not be angry? I'm never tired of being angry; it's my number one go-to emotion!

CW: Suicidal ideation

[desperateprayer]

...I've had hatred and anger thrown at me my entire life, Church. From before I can remember, until I finally escaped that village. For so long, I considered taking my own life because of all the anger around me. I was bitter and cynical and I wanted everyone in that village to suffer, and then--

[ ...She sighs, looking down and away. ]

...And then the Green Hunting came and it was wiped from the map, everyone killed either for being a green-haired woman or for interfering. Tormented and burned alive, just like they wanted to do with me. So I'm... Tired of anger.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Never stopped a motherfucker from being righteously angry before. Doesn't being not angry all the time also get tiring? I can't imagine being so fed up that I make nice with the psychotic fuckass of an overlord.

[desperateprayer]

...It's refreshing. I'm so tired of anger being everywhere. Of being angry. And being polite is very different from being nice. Hearing people's sins and sadnesses... Is my job. If you're talking about thanking him, Church, I... ...If we'd had to stay there, had to vote, had to watch a mockery of an execution after we watched Rhys die like that... I'm not sure what I would have done to myself.

[ ...She's very clearly Not Okay. ]

...I was relieved. That he didn't make us do more. That, for once, he didn't torment us or try to break us. Because I would have. So I thanked him. Because that's just... That's what I've always done. It's what I do.

[motherfucking_ghost]

You thanked him because he just happened to not take the worst route he possibly could have.

Y'know, I can't honestly understand that. I just...can't. But then again, I'm not a space nun or a space rabbi or anything. I could never do what you do, and I don't think I'd ever want to.

[desperateprayer]

That... Isn't because I'm a nun.

[ ...Sorry, Church. That's... The best you're getting. She doesn't want to talk about it. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Right, right, it's because you're reverse-Ardyn, that much I get. The whole, he went from being loved to being hated, and you went from being hated to being loved, it's, look, the feelings thing, I can figure that shit out, that doesn't mean I get it.

[desperateprayer]

That's not why, Church.

[ Her voice is short. Oh, she can get angry. She gets angry a lot. She just... Doesn't show it. ]

It's been like this since before Mikaela.

[motherfucking_ghost]

The letting people walk all over you and you thanking them for it like it's your job thing? Maybe you always were supposed to be a nun.

[desperateprayer]

[ Okay, Church, that is too far and Clarith is going to fucking slap you. ]

Don't you dare talk like you know what it was like!

[motherfucking_ghost]

[He nearly catches her snarl because what the shit he just got slapped. And that is no small slap. His bells are ringing just a little, and he presses a hand to his cheek, staring in momentary shock.]

Did you just fucking slap me for calling you out?!

[desperateprayer]

I keep my head down, Church! Because it keeps me alive. You do what you're told by those who want to hurt you because it means that they don't hurt you as often! Not all of us can afford to mouth off whenever they're upset!

[ Well, Church, you just unlocked more of her tragic backstory. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

And now you can!

[desperateprayer]

No, I can't! None of us can! Because then we'll end up just like Kip, because he stood up to someone and he died for it! And I can't... I can't lose anyone else, Church! I just can't!

[motherfucking_ghost]

Well if you refuse to do it then I'LL keep doing it because apparently THAT'S JUST WHAT I DO!

[desperateprayer]

I tried, Church! I tried! I tried to get PAL with the rules, and he threatened to kill me! What more do you want me to do!? Do you want me to throw away my life for nothing when nothing will change!?

[motherfucking_ghost]

WHY IS THIS SUDDENLY ALL ABOUT YOU WHEN I'M THE ONE TALKING ABOUT CALLING HIM OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT MYSELF? I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO FUCKING ANYTHING!

[desperateprayer]

Because I don't want you mouthing off at the wrong time and dying, too, because you react before thinking and people need you!

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Reacting before he thinks example #infinity+1:] NOBODY NEEDS ME!