week 6

[airlockedmods]

[Even with three deaths two weeks in a row, life in the Fantasy Sweet returns to some semblance of normalcy come Sunday morning. The messes are cleaned up, the bodies are safe in the morgue (or in Kip's case, still in a liquor bottle in the garden) and with this new week comes a fresh crop of returning memories.

There is no new floor this week.

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday



[ooc: Don't forget to to turn in your activity for week 5, submit your memory regains and put in your threads for the Benefactors!]

Comments

[motherfucking_ghost]

I just--I just want them buried with some god damn dignity, and even then we're all just copies or printed off a machine or whatever. We might just get stitched back together and our memories erased and stuck back in for another round until we get it right.

I don't know how you're not angry. How can you not be angry? I'm never tired of being angry; it's my number one go-to emotion!

CW: Suicidal ideation

[desperateprayer]

...I've had hatred and anger thrown at me my entire life, Church. From before I can remember, until I finally escaped that village. For so long, I considered taking my own life because of all the anger around me. I was bitter and cynical and I wanted everyone in that village to suffer, and then--

[ ...She sighs, looking down and away. ]

...And then the Green Hunting came and it was wiped from the map, everyone killed either for being a green-haired woman or for interfering. Tormented and burned alive, just like they wanted to do with me. So I'm... Tired of anger.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Never stopped a motherfucker from being righteously angry before. Doesn't being not angry all the time also get tiring? I can't imagine being so fed up that I make nice with the psychotic fuckass of an overlord.

[desperateprayer]

...It's refreshing. I'm so tired of anger being everywhere. Of being angry. And being polite is very different from being nice. Hearing people's sins and sadnesses... Is my job. If you're talking about thanking him, Church, I... ...If we'd had to stay there, had to vote, had to watch a mockery of an execution after we watched Rhys die like that... I'm not sure what I would have done to myself.

[ ...She's very clearly Not Okay. ]

...I was relieved. That he didn't make us do more. That, for once, he didn't torment us or try to break us. Because I would have. So I thanked him. Because that's just... That's what I've always done. It's what I do.

[motherfucking_ghost]

You thanked him because he just happened to not take the worst route he possibly could have.

Y'know, I can't honestly understand that. I just...can't. But then again, I'm not a space nun or a space rabbi or anything. I could never do what you do, and I don't think I'd ever want to.

[desperateprayer]

That... Isn't because I'm a nun.

[ ...Sorry, Church. That's... The best you're getting. She doesn't want to talk about it. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Right, right, it's because you're reverse-Ardyn, that much I get. The whole, he went from being loved to being hated, and you went from being hated to being loved, it's, look, the feelings thing, I can figure that shit out, that doesn't mean I get it.

[desperateprayer]

That's not why, Church.

[ Her voice is short. Oh, she can get angry. She gets angry a lot. She just... Doesn't show it. ]

It's been like this since before Mikaela.

[motherfucking_ghost]

The letting people walk all over you and you thanking them for it like it's your job thing? Maybe you always were supposed to be a nun.

[desperateprayer]

[ Okay, Church, that is too far and Clarith is going to fucking slap you. ]

Don't you dare talk like you know what it was like!

[motherfucking_ghost]

[He nearly catches her snarl because what the shit he just got slapped. And that is no small slap. His bells are ringing just a little, and he presses a hand to his cheek, staring in momentary shock.]

Did you just fucking slap me for calling you out?!

[desperateprayer]

I keep my head down, Church! Because it keeps me alive. You do what you're told by those who want to hurt you because it means that they don't hurt you as often! Not all of us can afford to mouth off whenever they're upset!

[ Well, Church, you just unlocked more of her tragic backstory. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

And now you can!

[desperateprayer]

No, I can't! None of us can! Because then we'll end up just like Kip, because he stood up to someone and he died for it! And I can't... I can't lose anyone else, Church! I just can't!

[motherfucking_ghost]

Well if you refuse to do it then I'LL keep doing it because apparently THAT'S JUST WHAT I DO!

[desperateprayer]

I tried, Church! I tried! I tried to get PAL with the rules, and he threatened to kill me! What more do you want me to do!? Do you want me to throw away my life for nothing when nothing will change!?

[motherfucking_ghost]

WHY IS THIS SUDDENLY ALL ABOUT YOU WHEN I'M THE ONE TALKING ABOUT CALLING HIM OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT MYSELF? I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO FUCKING ANYTHING!

[desperateprayer]

Because I don't want you mouthing off at the wrong time and dying, too, because you react before thinking and people need you!

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Reacting before he thinks example #infinity+1:] NOBODY NEEDS ME!

[desperateprayer]

Ardyn does! Junpei does! We all need you!

[ Because he knows how to cheer up a room. He knows how to boost morale. He does more than she ever does. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

What the fuck use is a Shield of the King if all that king wants to fucking do is die, okay?! Junpei's got other friends here! He's got a girlfriend! Q's got Nishi! Nari'll follow anyone around if they so much as smile at her! Choro's half gone, so is Heart, you're making nice with the evil overlord, Cece's got a girlfriend, and I'm still not entirely sure Arianna realizes how much danger we're all really in!

Wow, I sometimes make people smile for a minute or an hour, and then you know what happens after that? Everything goes back to being shit! Me cracking jokes and lubing up the floor isn't going to keep people from dying!

[desperateprayer]

But it keeps us remotely sane! It gives us something to keep us going for a little while! I can't... I can't do what you do, Church! I can't take a horrible situation and turn it around for a little while with something fun! I can't do anything in this situation besides keep my head down, play nice because it's what kept me safe before, and pray!

[motherfucking_ghost]

Well then stop keeping your head down! Do something wild and fun! Start a food fight with the garden fruit! Make some flower crowns! Make a blanket fort! Play spin the bottle and truth or dare! Throw some dirt at someone and play innocent! Fill the pool with jello mix! You're allowed to not cower in fear for a little bit!

[desperateprayer]

I... I can't keep doing this, Church...

[ She's sinking to her knees, trying not to cry. ]

I'm not brave and I'm not strong. I only know how to endure. I can't keep going indefinitely. Especially not this week. Not after everything I've already endured. I don't know how to not cower, because every time I try, I still lose everything or get hurt.

[ ...She's not talking about here, Church. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

[He's never sure What Do with crying women, even less so now that he gave her a bunch of fun ideas and she responded by practically collapsing??]

I...have no idea how you're gonna be hurt by making a blanket fort or filling the pool with jello? Literally none of those things require bravery or strength...?

[?????]