theairlock | Week 8

Entry tags:

!round 5,
!week 8

Week 8

[This weekend has brought about some unusual questions about your resident robotic Overseer, but unfortunately, you've also lost two more of your own to an accidental death.

You've done your best with the star charts, but if anyone is coming to help you, there is no sign of it yet. SIS remains the only friendly face here, even as you've found that she holds her own secrets. Meanwhile, yet another new floor has opened up - the elevators are in perfect working order now, if any of you care to go and see it. That's four concourses now; one for each of your groups. There's an awful lot of dead, aren't there?]

Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday

(( Don't forget to check in, check your memory regains, and submit for regains! ))

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[Sir Canaan is... cautiously optimistic, perching nearby and keeping an eye on Fukawa but not acting overtly disagreeable. The last unfamiliar lady who came by turned out to be coo(l), maybe this one will, too. ~~Dumpy, meanwhile, questions nothing.~~]

Dame Touko.

[Arianna cringes just slightly.]

I... my apologies.

[She isn't sure what she's apologizing for. Crying? Everything she's tried and failed to do? Being in the garden? Maybe even just having important memories with Clarith that Fukawa doesn't share. She definitely feels guilty about something.]

[Fukawa looks around a little bit out of the corners of her eyes. This is... ah.

She's not even sure why she thought she was cut out to do this. But she couldn't just leave her. Arianna was... too kind for this damn place. It resulted in Fukawa sometimes having a hard time completely believing her-- because what kind of person is really just that kind and pure.

It's one of the things she regrets now. Doubting her. She lost so much-- and deserved so little of it.

Arianna needed the support right now. And bad at it as she was prone to being... she was here, when others weren't.]

Wh-what are you apologizing for, idiot?

[Fukawa sits on the ground in font of her.]

I'm... the one who should be apologizing.

[Arianna looks up. That's not the kind of response she expected. Not that she really knew what to expect.]

You've done nothing to apologize for. I... I am the one who is entirely useless. I thought so highly of myself before, and--all I can do is... this.

[Hearing this, from Arianna is... frustrating. Fukawa clenches her fists in her lap and--

She reaches out and slaps Arianna.]

S-Snap out of it!

[Fukawa takes a deep breath.]

So... so what if you're useless? You don't have to be useful! Do you think I'm here because I expect something from you?! Maybe... maybe I want to support you a little!!

[Sir Canaan freaks out, chirping loudly and preparing to attack this interloper, but Dumpy floats in front of him and screeches something that might have been meant as "wait, listen."

Arianna reels.

That was definitely not what she expected from... anyone ever, really.

She stares for a moment, unsure how to react. Her hand drifts up to feel her cheek, and she flinches at her own touch.]

[...but then comprehension sets in. It's a different approach, but it's the same thing after all.]

The others keep saying things like that. Even Lord Ardyn wrote something like that in his letter to me. I'm glad for your support, but--you don't understand. How can none of you understand? How can you think it's all right for me to be useless? You especially, Dame Touko--how can you support me when it's because of my uselessness that Clarith is dead?

[Fukawa's nose scrunches up and her lip curls up. It's a frustrated look. Because... it's like looking in a mirror. And she didn't see it until now. Hadn't looked until now.]

That's a-awfully selfish of you isn't it? Do you really think... I haven't felt the same thing?

Clarith, Soma... Byakuya... I wasn't able to save a damn one of them. S-so you couldn't stop something that wasn't your fault. None of us could. No one here is blaming you.

When Byakuya died-- I should have been there. I should have had that damn phone on me. I should have stopped Varric. But I wasn't. I didn't. I couldn't. And I've regretted it this whole time.

[She puts a hand on Arianna's head.]

We both... need to let it go.

My apologies. I'd so focused upon my own failures, I never even thought...

[Arianna goes silent for a moment, and when she speaks up again it's quieter.]

How do you still stand?

[That's... she can't blame Arianna for that. Hell, she hadn't realized it until it was staring her right in the face. She never... imagined that Arianna would have been going so far as to blame herself. She's really an idiot.]

...it's not easy. I tried... numerous times to just... give up.

But every time I did, someone would show up. I tried to kill all my feelings away, but-- they didn't let me. And even then, it doesn't just go away. So many people told me it wasn't my fault but I just told myself that they couldn't possibly understand when... I probably was the person who really didn't understand.

I'm still standing because... every time I fell, someone helped me back up. And because... I know that they'll catch me if I fall again.

S-so... it's okay if you don't feel like you can stand up on your own. That's... that's what friends are for, r-right?

[Now, now, be fair to Fukawa. The big tipping point there was Clarith, and she still hasn't actually explained how she decided that was her fault.

She goes silent for a while again.]

I am afraid. I worry that on Friday we'll find another person who helped to pick me up when I fell. Perhaps you, or Jane.

...I won't tell you it can't happen. Because... that would be a lie.

Some of the people that were really important to pulling me through-- are gone now. But that's why... I can't give up. I have to fight for them.

I don't have any intention of dying now. I made a promise to Choromatsu-kun... and to Ardyn's memory... that I'm going to see this through.

...if it's too much for you to bear on your own y-you can rely on me a little. I k-know I'm probably not anyone's first choice but... if you'll accept me... I don't want to keep pretending I don't care. I-I care a lot. It p-probably doesn't seem that way b-because I'm... better at running away than facing things. But... it's true.

...now you are the idiot.

[She's... starting to cry again, but at least it's not self-hating despair crying this time. It's... oh. Apparently it's the "sudden hug" kind of crying.]

I told you at the beginning, did I not? You don't need any special skills to be my friend. Of course I will accept you.

[Oh. This is good. It's... really good. It takes her a second to respond, but when she does it's with soft, slightly choked up laughter as she returns the hug.]

J-jeez... I guess we're both... idiots.

[It's infectious! Arianna ends up cry-laughing, leading to another brief lull in her commentary.]

We... we should have come to each other a long time ago!

[Eventually she stops, and pulls back a bit so she can look at her.]

...D--Touko, I cannot promise my survival any more than you can, so I wish not to leave things unsaid, for you to learn from a letter left in my room. Will you hear me?

[Ah-- the title. Hearing her drop it mid-thought, Fukawa blinks.]

Th-then just say it. Of course I'll listen.

[All right. There's no turning back from this now, and there shouldn't be, for the reason she just explained. She takes a deep breath.]

...I have feelings for you, of a romantic nature.

[There are a number of things that might have come out of that. That is not something Touko expected. Because she never expects people to love her in any capacity. But-- well. This is...]

...you know, I thought about it too. Wh-when Clarith suggested it. Realistically I didn't think... but it's not like I didn't think about it in an ideal situation.

[Fantasized. She fantasized about it.]

If... you... w-wanted to... we could... try.

[Arianna's a public figure even at home. Touko's probably not the first person to fantasize about her.]

...I'd like that. I'd like it very much.

D-don't misunderstand... I'm not saying this because it's what Clarith would have wanted. This is... something I decided on my own.

...I'm glad, Touko. I wouldn't want you to say such things simply because you felt someone else wanted you to.

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Week 8

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