Misumaru Yurika (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ratherdoweddings) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
theairlock2018-03-03 06:26 pm
ratherdoweddings) wrote in theairlock2018-03-03 06:26 pm
when you hear me calling out to you, saying, "i'll always believe in you"
[It occurs to Yurika that she has no idea what either of the men they'd lost just now had with regards to religious beliefs. She doesn't know who they wanted to leave their things to. She doesn't miss the detailed funeral requests, and at least neither wanted their ashes scattered over a lake on a planet that might not even exist here while the mall radio blasted "Stairway to Heaven," but having nothing...
It's actually kind of fitting. They don't have much to begin with.
Arianna strongly insisted on handling the food, so don't worry, your afterparty food today does not consist of disgusting burnt lumps and will not send you all back into the courtroom should somebody eat one. Candles are lit on another table and Yurika's standing at the front with a hand on her shoulder.]
In my last group... our last group, for some of us, the only cases we've remembered so far had culprits who were either cruel or just that determined to escape. Here, it seems different. We're all survivors, so it seems, and we're all friends who are doing our best -- even when the motives make it seem like we should give up. Even when people die anyway.
Maybe Togami-san was right that it'll just keep going from now, but he was also right that it can't keep going forever. I'm going to make sure to keep trying for all of you, and I know you will, too.
It's actually kind of fitting. They don't have much to begin with.
Arianna strongly insisted on handling the food, so don't worry, your afterparty food today does not consist of disgusting burnt lumps and will not send you all back into the courtroom should somebody eat one. Candles are lit on another table and Yurika's standing at the front with a hand on her shoulder.]
In my last group... our last group, for some of us, the only cases we've remembered so far had culprits who were either cruel or just that determined to escape. Here, it seems different. We're all survivors, so it seems, and we're all friends who are doing our best -- even when the motives make it seem like we should give up. Even when people die anyway.
Maybe Togami-san was right that it'll just keep going from now, but he was also right that it can't keep going forever. I'm going to make sure to keep trying for all of you, and I know you will, too.
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Knock knock.]
...Miss Touko? Are you...taking visitors?
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[She tries to sound abrasive and hurtful but-- she's not good at being the old her anymore. Instead she just sounds... tired.]
Did you want something?
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...I wanted to see you for a little while. I know...expecting to comfort you to a point where you feel better is probably too much to ask, but...it wouldn't be right of me to ignore you when you're hurting.
[Because they're friends. Even if Touko doesn't trust anyone anymore, Jane will maintain that they are still friends.]
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...I messed everything up.
[That fact she has not budged on.]
Because of me, two people I cared about were killed, another got injured...
[The spiral of self-hate is a strong one, and familiar.]
I'm... not the person who deserves your kindness.
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[Jane breathes in, looks down at her feet.]
It could be so much worse right now, Miss Touko - we could have lost four people today. And...who am I, of all people, to look down on someone who acted as her heart told her to? Who am I to put down someone who's grieving?
[She cannot agree with how Togami treated this girl, not for a moment, but she can't deny that Touko's devotion was something she kept within her as something precious. To have its source ripped out of her would be a pain Jane could never understand.]
cw: hints of child neglect, hospital neglect, and thoughts of death
They both gave birth to children belonging to the same man-- in the same hospital on the same day.
One died and one lived.
But the hospital didn't know which child belonged to which woman.
So I was sent home to a family that most would call "odd". Two women that had been infatuated with the same man and the father of both children. Not one of them... wanted a child. They weren't interested. I learned that the best I could do was not to get in their way. Don't complain, don't ask for anything, don't bother them.
You'd think that, wouldn't you? If I had died, then they would have all been happier.
That thought has just grown with me... over time.
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[Jane just. Stares, and. Lets those words sink in. And she doesn't think she's ever so quickly disliked three adults more in that moment than she ever has before.]
Miss Touko, that's...that's fucked up, that...if that's how those people felt? They weren't worth being anyone's parents, much less yours - y-you're too...you're way too good a person to have had to...
[Her throat feels tight at the end, and she doesn't know what else to add, but all she can think of is her own father, sincerely proud of every accomplishment and so, so supportive. Jane knows that's not everyone's experience with their parents, but...but it should be.]
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[She doesn't know exactly why she's saying all this. Yet now that she started talking, it all just seems to follow in order; one word after another.]
I don't... know about what I was good enough for or what I deserved, but... I did... want... to be loved. I did believe that one day I'd earn it. If not from my family then... from someone who's love I really wanted.
[It's still self-depreciating but-- it is hopeful. Or was, if you considered the deaths, not yet 24 hours past.]
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...You...you deserve to have been loved from the start, you know?