Week 4

[airlockedmods]

[After everything that this case was, you probably don't want to deal with anything else. But you wake up on Sunday, just like before, with some new memories, and some new stores to check out.

Let's see what this week brings.]

Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday

(( Don't forget to check in, and check your memory regains! You can also stop by the gacha machine and Xander's office hours. ))

Comments

[kingshaming]

... perhaps it would have been kinder to just take his head. But it is done now.

CW: Abuse mentions

[desperateprayer]

...Maybe. But you still saved us, and made sure what he became would not hurt us.

[ She isn't looking at him, instead looking at the gym through the glass. ]

...I saw, you know. The way you reacted to Ardyn. ...I know that look. I know that instinct. ...Someone... Hurt you a lot, didn't they, Xander?

[kingshaming]

[He sucks in a breath between his teeth, and that's all he really needs to say. Still-]

... being the eldest, sometimes it was my duty to weather certain storms. That's all.

[desperateprayer]

...

[ She looks up at him. It's not too far to look for her. ]

...I don't believe that. It's all right, you know. To admit that maybe your childhood was worse than you thought. That none of you... Deserved any of that.

[kingshaming]

The courtly games in my home were... complicated. Children were often used as pawns and easily discarded. As Crown Prince I was spared most of these things. If I could redirect my father's wrath even a small amount once I was older, then it was only fair to make up for my easier time of it.

[desperateprayer]

That doesn't make what happened all right.

[ ...It must hurt. Talking about this. ]

...I was called a "demon child" growing up. And I heard it so often that I thought it must be true. That I must have deserved what happened.

...It took me over twenty years to realize that I didn't.

[kingshaming]

You are far from a demon.

[desperateprayer]

No, I'm not. ...But Xander? I promise. It's fine to admit that what happened was wrong and that you suffered. That none of you deserved any of what was thrown at you, being treated as a-a tool or expendable or whatever.

[ She's going to place a hand on his shoulder. ]

...I don't think you're a bad person. Just one who feels he owes the people in his life everything, to the point he'd do anything to pay back a debt that only he thinks exists.

[ ...She knows that feeling. Of owing someone your life. Mikaela... ]

[kingshaming]

[A pained look crosses his face, but more then that his eyes flit about. As if he expects someone to be listening, waiting for him to speak ill. An ingrained behavior.]

It... wasn't fair, no. But we endured.

[desperateprayer]

...And you came out of it a better person than those who did this to you, Xander. ...You may not see it, but I do. ...But please. You'll never be satisfied with any debt you seek to repay to those who you shielded. So don't destroy yourself in trying.

[kingshaming]

It's... not a debt, exactly. More I betrayed my purpose as a brother. To many people. I was blinded by my duty to my father and didn't think of the people I was hurting in doing so.

[Does he realizes how ironic that is now? Considering what he's doing? Maybe. But who knows?]

[desperateprayer]

...You failed to protect someone?

[ ...Blinded by duty. She'll look away for a moment. Hm. ]

...Xander. Answer me this. How is now different from back then? Would she really want any of this for her sake--your sister?

[ ...It's a guess. A guess because he doesn't seem like he's talking about a mother, and he's not the type to have a wife like this. So no children. ]

[kingshaming]

No. No she would hate it. But she is the only one of my family who hasn't been touched by the darkness of our home. We swore to protect her- we raised her- I...

[He takes a deep shuddering breath]

You think me too noble. I didn't try and protect her and failed. I killed her.

[desperateprayer]

...

[ She is quiet for a long while. But it's a sad silence. Quietly, she'll reach out and... Wrap her arms around him. ]

...Xander. You're not the kind of person who would do that on purpose. That much is obvious to me with how much you care for her, with how you've told me you raised her. ...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you lost her like that.

[kingshaming]

[He stiffens, body ridged.]

... you are a fool.

[His tone isn't cruel, just confused and sad]

[desperateprayer]

...Am I wrong?

[ You aren't refuting her. ]

[kingshaming]

I didn't strike her intentionally, no. But her death is still my fault. I was trying to kill someone we both loved dearly, and she... threw herself in my path. I knew what kind of person she was, I should have... have listened.

[desperateprayer]

...Will you tell me what happened, what she was like? We can... Find somewhere to sit and talk awhile. But only if you're ready.

[kingshaming]

...


[He takes a deep breath, settling himself]

No. I have already said too much. Perhaps bloodloss has made my head a bit too watery.

[desperateprayer]

...It's fine. Maybe another time.

[ ...She's glad you opened up to her. ]

...Xander? ...Thank you. For opening up. You may try to hide it, but... When you came, last week, to check on me... You were worried. I... Appreciate it.

[ More than she can put into words. ]

...That so many people care for this life of mine... I appreciate it.