someday we will foresee obstacles / through the blizzard

[lmafo]

[ About an hour after the trial ends, maybe an hour and a half, there's a series of notes written in pink that end up slid under everyone's doors. No pomp, just a slid note and a knock at the door before Roxy moves to the next one. ]

aight so
if you guys want uh
there's food and drinks and stuff all chilling in the caf
no presh, just
fuck
we probs shouldnt be alone rn

- rolal and marisa

[ And indeed, set out in the dining room, there's a bunch of pretty basic sandwiches (she's a scientist, not a chef, what do you want from her), some drinks from the bar set out on a nearby table courtesy of Marisa, and uh. A single cake, set out on its own table. It's not the most visually impressive thing in the world, but Roxy worked real hard on it, okay? It's chocolate, even, with chocolate frosting also.

Piped onto the top of the cake in rough pink icing letters is "eat me pls," so. At least you know what to do with it. ]

Comments

[playthedamncard]

Shut up. [It's not snapped in any angry way, just desperate.] Shut up and keep listening to me. I'm not letting you do something like--we have to keep going no matter what. I...I don't know how.

[le_mat]

I'm not goin' to do anything.

[He laughs softly into his shoulder]

I had my chance to by voting, but I froze. I... don't want to die. I wanna keep clawing every hour I get. I couldn't do what Thomas did, not really. It's kinda selfish.

... I don't know either.

[playthedamncard]

You're not the only coward. [Maybe that's a harsh word to use, but he isn't going to take it back right now.] I just wanted to talk sense into her. I know how disturbed she is, I know she didn't care about us, but I thought...we were connecting on a way I don't know she's ever felt.

But I didn't want to risk moving. Or voting. Or doing anything else. All words and no action, just like always.

[le_mat]

If you had moved she would have killed you. I think... she was about to kill all of us, when Thomas went for her. If you had died I woulda kicked your ass.

[playthedamncard]

I wouldn't have had much of one left to kick. [Ha...ha...maybe that's not the joke to make. He pulls back enough to look him in the face, and what do you know, they probably still match: exhausted, scared, sick of it all.]

...Get you to the shower.

[le_mat]

... normally I'd say something about having company. But I'm too damn tired.

[He tries to smirk, but it's more a grimace. Wrong. Not empty and discordant like Manaka's smiles were, but the opposite- full of too many things. Affection and anger and grief in equal doses. Like his usual smiles, only without the will to hide the depth of it.

He feels too much, he always has. He doesn't wanna feel anything. Akira's almost jealous of Manaka right now.]

[playthedamncard]

I'll carry you if I have to, idiot. [And he means it--the carrying, if not the idiot part. Being off his feet has been a blessing, and with the adrenaline gone, he's afraid he might not be able to get back up. They could just stay on this floor and fucking live here now.

But with his arms still around Akira, he gets one foot under him and forces his way up. Maybe if he focuses on the steps, one thing after another, he can complete these tasks.]

[le_mat]

[At least Akira can manage to get his legs under him- he is going to help carry this heavy thing between them, goddamn it.]

Let me get my clothes.

[playthedamncard]

You're covered in-- [Karamatsu] Let me. [He's less gory, even despite having a hugfest just now.]

[le_mat]

...kay.

[He gestures at his closet, too drained to argue. His cat shirt and black jeans are in there, plus his gray hoodie and his blazer. And the jumpsuits he hasn't needed in weeks]

[playthedamncard]

[Hoodie sounds good and comfy. Who doesn't want to hide out in a hood now and then? It sucks to let him go, because they're both shit right now. He tucks clothes under one arm, hating the way he can see his own hands shake, and grips on to Akira with the other to help lead the way.]

[le_mat]

[Hoodies are good he likes hoodies. He allows himself to be led easily enough]

Sorry, I got you all gross too.

[playthedamncard]

It's not your fault. [He's the one that did the initial latching on.] None of this is.

[le_mat]

[He makes an agreeable sound, squeezing Kaiba's shoulder]

I should just wash this but... I don't think I can wear it again.

[playthedamncard]

You're lucky you've got more to wear then.

We should probably... [going back to the infirmary today, or maybe ever, is out of the question] rewrap some fresh bandages from a first aid kit when you're done.

[le_mat]

Good idea. Can't let it stay wet.

[Having an idea of things to do helps. Keeps him focused. Once in the shower he heads to one of the stalls]

You don't gotta stay. I can manage.

[playthedamncard]

I'll stay here. Need to wash some of this off, too. It's not near as bad, though. [Plus, nah, he'll see this through. The privacy of the stalls might also come in handy.]

[le_mat]

[he offers just a general "whatever you say" noise- between the shower at school and the bathhouse he wasn't exactly body shy.

He showers quietly at first, watching as the last of Karamatsu washes away. If small hitches of breath escape him, he keeps them to himself]

cw: emeto

[playthedamncard]

[It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. If he keeps thinking he's fine, that he's going to be fine, he'll just will the feeling of being fine into existence. He can do this. Because there's no other choice.

All he means to do is use the fabric of a sleeve of his shirt to rub at his hair and face. He'll throw it in the dumbwaiter or something. It's fine. But the hum of water helps drown out the dissonant note in his head, the warmth easing out some of the numbness, and when that goes, so too does the dam holding everything from the past several days and today back.

From burning flesh and raw throat to the stench of drying gore and five, five people lost this week without any of them being any closer to subverting the rules--he drops to all fours and empties what's left in his stomach, arms shaking as he spits and gags a few more times before there's nothing left to give. He slumps against a stall wall, barely holding him upright, and finally allows his resolve to break, face buried in his hands and sobbing.

At least he's out of sight of the others, just as he wanted.]

[le_mat]

[There are some things, Akira thinks, a man has to do alone. Even if he's just 16 and gone through too goddamned much. So he gives Kaiba a few moments to retch, instead holding his own mop of hair under the water, ignoring the low agony as water runs over his wound. Only once everything comes away clean-

-like Kabia's insides right now. Crying is good for the soul, and sometimes to purge the infection you have to cut it out-

-does he grab a towel, making himself some form of decent, and crosses stalls. It's enough time that he's not too concerned about kneeling down and lightly petting his shoulders and back with one hand. He could say something, but for now he just... exists. A point of reference, like a lighthouse in the storm his friend had to fight through. ]

[playthedamncard]

[Some part of him knows--some part of him has always known--how damaged he is. He's fought around it, over it, through it, but the damage remains. But all that fighting has given him the strength to get this far. It feels like failure to fall here and now, even if the logical part of him says that no matter what violence and bizarre happenings he's witnessed, it's never been anything like this. It's putrid and vile and impossible.

(Another, quieter voice that sounds much more like the old man says that this is what he gets for daring to care. They leave and they die and it is a weakness.)

But it's a buildup that was going to explode out of him one way or another. He would've preferred anger, bright and piercing, and who cares what he takes it out on, be it a wall or himself or another person. He would've preferred a lot of things. Being alone in his misery, for one.

But he's grateful for Akira's company and comfort anyway. It's not like Max is going to be around to help ease anyone out of a nervous breakdown anymore. When the sniveling finally starts to fade away, he gives his eyes a furious wipe out of habit, but he doesn't mind the blinding sting of pain to his injury. It's a distraction that feels right. Breathe breathe breathe, live through this and you won't look back--]

God damn it. [Yeah, that sounds about right once he finally feels like he's not going to gag himself on words caught up in his throat.]

[le_mat]

Yeah. Fuck god.

[after mentioning the grail, that seems right to say. He grips Kaiba's shoulder more firmly, and stands, offering a hand. ]

Come on. Not... not here.

[playthedamncard]

[That at least gets a hiccuping laugh out of him. God or gods or beings beyond full comprehension, if they're out there, fuck 'em. For both their sakes, he takes Akira's offer.]

Sorry.

[le_mat]

Don't be. It'd just be awkward if someone else needed the shower.

[he slips away from Kaiba for a moment, getting dressed in the stall... And looking at his eye in the mirror. First instinct is to sloppily recover it, so no one else can see. But they didn't have gauze. Just towels. He could pull up his hood...

Instead he decides, fuck it, leaving it bare to the air. He'll wrap it again before going out to the cafeteria, but he was done being afraid of it.]

...your room okay?

[playthedamncard]

Yeah.

[That sits for a second, two seconds--] Wait, what? My room for...us?