Welcome to the Program

[airlockedmods]

Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.

[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.

Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]

Comments

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

This not an new situation then? Rich psychopaths kidnapping ya?

[That's rather concerning.]

[hellahighwater]

I didn't get kidnapped, I kneed the dickwad in the balls and scrammed, okay?

[ THAT'S...CHLOE.... ]

...Arcadia Bay's a cesspit.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

[That gets you a laugh and thumbs up from Zombina Chloe. Good job!]

Hell yeah! Nice one kiddo! Hopefully ya killed off his ability to procreate in the process, 'cause that's grounds for an Nobel Peace Prize or someshit right there!

[Arcadia Bay... hmmmmm.]

Arcadia Bay, huh? It's kinda a major shame a cool name like that is wasted on the place if it's a cesspit. Ya should start a petition to change it's name to something less misleadin'.

[hellahighwater]

[ Never let Zombina know she just tried to knee him in the balls and instead broke a lamp, it's...kind of hard to aim when you're drugged up.

Still, alright. She likes this girl with huge knockers i mean with weird skin shit you know what just this girl, no distinguishing features whatsoever- so. Smirk, laugh, pretty cool. ]

I got him good, what can I say? Arcadia Bay on the other hand is the opposite of cool. The place is- just a garbage land, full of garbage people and tools who need a reality check. Soon as I get out of here and back to my daily routine of fucking around, I'll see if we can change it to Shitsville, like it deserves.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

[Gold star for trying girl, gold star for trying.]

Shitsville, huh? Sounds like a way more accurate name.

Ya could even make a nice new town sign outta some stuff from the dump and have it say Shitsville. Population: Full of Shit!

[hellahighwater]

[ Snorts. ]

A revolutionary idea. That'd show 'em. [ She kicks her feet up on the table. Eat it, space station. ] You're alright. Name's Chloe. You?

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nice ta meetcha Chloe-chan. My name's Zombina!

[That probably explains a lot.]

[hellahighwater]

...No it's not.

[ IT CAN'T BE ]

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yuuuuup! The world's liveliest corpse, in the flesh!

[IT CAN BE]

[hellahighwater]

What the shit, you're a fucking zombie?!

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yuuuuuuuuuuuup!

[Zombina is laughing at that reaction.]

What, I need ta pull a limb off ta prove it? 'Cause I can totally do that! Another guy already accidentally pulled my hand off earlier, so what's another time?

[hellahighwater]

Holy fuck, no, I don't wanna hurl!

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Eh, less work for me then! Sewing parts back on can be kinda a major pain in the ass anyway.

[She is a merciful zombie today.]

[hellahighwater]

[ What...the hell... ]

I thought- okay, this has to be bogus, zombies don't talk, you blather around asking for brains and ripping into necks!

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Nah that's the awesome movie zombies! Real zombies still have their minds pretty intact, and we don't go around eating people. I like my meat, but brains probably taste like crap raw.

[LE shrug]

It says I'm a zombie on the profiles too and whoever took us here ain't got no reason ta lie about that.

[hellahighwater]

...

[ She slumps into a chair. ]

Everything I know is a lie.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Yeah. It seems ta me like that's happening ta a lotta people today. Even ta me with some things. Apparently magic is an thing.

[Zombina does the 'mind blown' motion with her hands.]

[hellahighwater]

Magic shmagic, girl, you're a zombie! A...non-Romero, walking talking baller zombie! In space! That is hella more genres than should be possible!

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

I guess, but soooooooomething tells me that the genres are gonna keep on piling up and up aaaaand up until we have no idea what the fuckings going on.

[hellahighwater]

...I already have no fucking idea what's going the fuck on, so. Ahead of the curve, for once. Yippee.

[theworldsliveliestcorpse]

Hopefully things will start ta make sense sooner rather than later, buuuuut I have the feeling we're not that lucky.