Beep Beep we're going to Sparby's

[airlockedmods]

Once everyone's in the dick limo and they've watched the Fantasy Sweet burn down behind them (dodging the flaming debris once the pressure builds up enough inside to make the whole thing go nuclear), it's off to the nearest fast food planet.

Which...is about five lightdays away.

Luckily for you, you have your very own Personal Artistic License to keep you entertained. So PAL bounces around the back of the limo, sitting in every lap that will have him, as he tells the story of Kip from the day he hatched as a tiny, impressionable smeet to present.

Sparing absolutely no detail.

Especially about the part where Kip failed his navigator's exam because he stopped at Then-Foodcourtia and crashed the ship into one of the greasy pustules that had sprouted on the planet's surface, destroying the aircraft and boiling his instructor alive in the fiery grease of hell.

So now there's a dick limo parked in the Sparby's parking lot. For anyone who had Arby's or Arby's-adjacent restaurants on their home planet... The menu's not much different. Everything meat-based is 100% beef, the milkshakes look delicious, and of course there are turnovers (apple, cherry, and chocolate).

Which... well, catch Kip and PAL in the corner shoving milkshakes and turnovers in their faces tbh.]

Welcome to Sparby's, Survivors.
You earned it.

Comments

[stitch_in_time]

Actually, yeah. Should've seen the last convetion we had to crash. You' might be surprised what a little hardlight can pull off, Sparky.

[everylittlesecret]

[Sparky...]

Holy fuck, I have not been to a convention since college... Man the competitions Yaya Han could win if she had hardlight... [Don't ask] Sorry to disappoint, though. I'm all natural. No tips from me.

[stitch_in_time]

[I told you bro]

Might wanna skip any around here, it can be pretty surreal. An' from me, that's saying something.

[Very carefully taking a small metal wand out of his pocket and doing a quick, low sweep with it, seeing if there's any hardlight to disrupt in their immediate vicinity. And apparently finding nothing, he returns the sonic to his pocket before sticking out his left hand- extending it just enough for the PIP hidden by his jacket sleeve to peak out a bit.]

Yeah, didn't think so. Sorry we couldn't meet earlier, I'm the Doctor.

[everylittlesecret]

[......... IF THIS GUY IS SERIOUS THEN SHE'S BEEN DOING SOME 4TH WALL SHIT BACK IN THEIR ROUND.

She looks at his hand, sees the PIP, and kind of stares.]

......... Kipper did say you guys escaped....

[Just... going to go for it and shake the Doctor's hand.] So. Seriously. Are you.... are you really the Doctor? Like, there is a show back home about a guy who has a screwdriver just like that.

[stitch_in_time]

A- oh.

[His face drops, just a little.]

A fan. Yeah, I'm that Doctor. Didn't know there'd been any kind of serial, just those bloody stupid movies in the- what was it, sixties? ...you're not with that LINDA group, are you?

[everylittlesecret]

.... what the hell's LINDA? And I watched the show because it came on after The Great British Bakeoff sometimes. I am far from a fan. Hell, I pretty much only know meme worthy stuff about the show.

[She likes Ten in a way better because he had more than one season. Sorry, Nine.]

[stitch_in_time]

Group of people that are little too nosy for comfort. You'll get used to people like that pretty soon, sorry to say.

[We don't talk about that episode.]

I'll have to look into that once this mess is all over. Memes..

[everylittlesecret]

I think the fact that people watched the show that I kinda had a crash course in having to get used to it. As long as nothing comes up that I don't know about personally, I really don't care what people know. I stopped trying to hide everything.

[If you only could see her laptop, she's saved the funniest ones.]

[stitch_in_time]

Yeah, there's knowin' that and then there's accidentally findin' fanfics about yourself at 3AM.

[He's not sure what's worse, the ones that give him entirely human biology or the ones that take 'two hearts' and run with it.]

...And if you're starting to think about searching yourself, don't. Trust me, just. Don't.

[everylittlesecret]

....... you really think there's fanfics about me? Why would there be?

[#1 SUBJECT OF EACH FIC WOULD PROBABLY BE TEMPERATURE PLAY]

[stitch_in_time]

...They did tell you you were bein' broadcast, yeah? That wasn't just editing, right?

[everylittlesecret]

Yeah. Kipper told us right away we were on Space Bachelor, but the murder thing came up later.

[stitch_in_time]

And it shocks you that an intelligent, red-headed young woman on intergalactic television's gonna have fans.

[Nari, please tell him your self-worth is not actually that bad.]

[everylittlesecret]

Well... yes. I'm not exactly a nice person, everyone else is far more interesting, and I'm a nervous wreck. Who would be a fan of that?

[Yes. It is that bad. The only people she values the opinions of thinking she's not useless is her ohana.]

[stitch_in_time]

Hell, I thought Jane was bad- Sellin' yourself short aside, yeah, you lot've all got a pretty fair number of fans.

[...The half-billion figure probably wouldn't help things, here.]

Almost all of 'em think it's staged, mind, and the ones that don't get written off as conspiracy theorists.

[everylittlesecret]

.......... I don't think I like the idea of having fans. Especially if they have expectations of me in their minds after this mess.

[This is no bueno.]

How can we prove it's real?

[stitch_in_time]

Welcome to our last four months.

[Mucho no bueno.]

That's what we've been working on. Step one is trying to track down our friends, the ones who- ...died isn't exactly the right word, but they were pulled into a separate layer of simulation. Their bodies, their real bodies, were gone by the time we managed to escape.

Once they're safe we can take out the studio without risking them as hostages.

[everylittlesecret]

Huh... then I guess my group got lucky that my girlfriend flew off with the morgue to find her dad.

[stitch_in_time]

Your-

[Looking around, doing a quick headcount.]

Oh, so that's where she got to. ...Why her father, I'm assuming not just for some home cooking.

[everylittlesecret]

Yeah... the morgue only supports one living person, and her dad is a scientist... somehow despite being a jellyfish.......... aliens are weird, man.

[stitch_in_time]

Well that's a bit human-centric.

[everylittlesecret]

I am a human, bucko. You probably feel the same way about my kind.

[stitch_in_time]

Absolutely. Weird's pretty relative. As long as you've got some perspective about it.

[Also, not saying he looks human? Very much appreciated.]

'Specially here. There's a lot less humans and human-passing species than back home. Lot of those hard light projectors, though.

[everylittlesecret]

[She is not assuming anyone is human until they tell her they are. Rule #1 about space.]

My girlfriend was pretty human passing even without the hard light. She was just purple.