airlockedmods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
airlockedmods) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
theairlock2017-06-25 10:59 am
airlockedmods) wrote in theairlock2017-06-25 10:59 am
week 7
[For the first time in several weeks there is no new memorial in the garden. No new body in the morgue, no bloody mess for the roombas to clean. Choromatsu is still in need of time to heal and constant vigilance but he's alive. They're all alive for once on a Sunday and, even with the terrible realizations their returning memories may bring, there's a sense of hope for the first time in a long time.
There is no new floor this week.
Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday
[ooc: Don't forget to to turn in your activity for week 6, submit your memory regains and put in your threads for the Benefactors!]
There is no new floor this week.
[ooc: Don't forget to to turn in your activity for week 6, submit your memory regains and put in your threads for the Benefactors!]
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['I'm feeling rather inspired'--was this all Ardyn's fault? He'd been so fixated on fate this entire time, was it-]
...We need to talk.
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[Ardyn didn't say anything--just reached over and took Church's hand with one of his own--a living human touch with actual warmth beneath a dozen layers--staring at him intently and waiting for him to get the point.]
I'm done arguing.
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What happened, he wants to ask, but that's not--that's not quite the right question. Maybe the right question is where is it.
Maybe the right question is what did you DO?
He doesn't have to say anything to show how clearly he gets the point, though. Look at that: more ways to shut Church up.]
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[This time it was Ardyn who pulled Church along out of the majority's plain sight. Ardyn who faced Church with frustration, grabbing his collar and shoving him back against the nearest wall the moment they'd turned a corner.]
Don't even think about it, Leonard.
[Ardyn, who was refusing to accept they'd come this far to splinter now.]
You don't get to rely on something like this to change fate, do you understand me? Whatever the outcome you're expecting might happen if you go through with this, you have no way of knowing if it will come to pass. Avert one disaster, and thousands more can spring up in their place.
We are not losing you. I am not losing you because you gambled on something that machine offered, and I don't care how much of a hypocrite I am for saying that.
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He can see the ship explode in his mind's eye, or the grenade that destroyed her body, or telling her before shipping out--telling her Tex, I-- and he couldn't say anything else but just be careful, or hearing Sheila's stuttering and damaged voice and the recounting of the last moments before crashing, asking Wash she should be here, right? And he can see Ardyn smiling, see the glint of trouble in his eyes, remembers the taste of cinnamon and bad decisions, swear to me that you'll remember I was once this Ardyn before you now.
And it's playing in his head, the most heart-wrenching tune he'd ever heard, omnia dividit tragoedia coram amandum quae tragoedia tragoedia tragoedia and what if someone kills for this?]
I...
I-I can't--
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I know you're in pain. I know that you've been suffering for weeks and bearing all of it while trying to keep everyone else from breaking, including me. When I said that I knew I asked too much of you, I meant it--not you or any other here should have come to bear all that we are right now.
[He let go of Church's shirt, hands resting on his shoulders instead. There was something bright in his eyes--not the inhuman black and yellow of Starscourge, but a spark that was turning to a steadily burning flame of fury and determination.]
...So let me help you carry it, just this once.
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His hands tighten on Ardyn's wrists, there's warmth, he can feel it leeching through. Laughs. Not a...not a good laugh, just something that pops out of him like it was trapped inside and he just got a swift punch to the gut just to get it out, a smile that's tight and pained and only in the most technical definitions of the word a smile.]
I can't change anything.
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[Of all the answers he'd expected, that was not one of them.]
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God, I want to, I want to change her fate, I want to make things right, I want--I want--
The universe has never given a shit about what I want. No reason for it to start just because PAL says it'll be so. I can't trust him. I want to. I can't. It hurts. I spent over a year trying to ease that pain and then it had to come back all over again, and I want to do anything for her but I can't. And it hurts.
I tried to change things so many times. Junpei might be able to. He's the time travel hero. It doesn't work with me. I can't change anything. PAL can't make it just happen because I want it.
[He feels like he's babbling, like if he says enough words, they'll eventually sound like a coherent thought.]
What did you do?
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[Ardyn paused at the question, taking a breath and letting it out slowly.]
...I'm sorry. I did something careless.
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Tell me.
cw: suicide
I snapped, Church. After last night, I couldn't handle living as some barely-human thing and constantly letting spite make me think all of you would betray me. I thought 'if they'll abandon some inhuman thing for all it's done, how long until they see I'm no different?' I thought about killing myself outright just to see if I could even die. But instead I...talked to PAL, last night.
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I...th--is this because of me?
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It's because of everything. Because living like that seemed like worse torture than living as a human knowing everything I've done. Because if I should actually die here, I'm damn well going to do it as myself.
...because damn it, all of you deserve better than to deal with the fallen son of Lucis.
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You bargained a deal with the fucking artificial devil?
cw: even more suicidal ideation
Either I kept living as that, pushing all of you further and further away and either waiting to die or killing myself, or I risk insanity for the slim chance that the result would be someone that could actually do something here.
I took a stupid risk that may yet backfire. I know that, and you don't need to tell me how careless I was. But I'm trusting in my Kingsglaive to keep me from going over the edge into complete and utter madness until I can help us get out of here.
You said you believed Ardyn Lucis Caelum still had a chance. Now that he's standing in front of you, are you going to believe in me now?
Because I'm telling you outright: if I have your support as the Shield, you'll have mine as the king.
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Because if nothing else, this is how important he is, to Ardyn, and to the group. He can't back out now, can't give in. Can't let PAL tear them all apart no matter how much it feels like the gaping fucking Texas-sized hole in his chest is widening and widening. Because...because the hole feels like it's filling, too, a little bit at a time.
He cups Ardyn's right hand in both of his, lifting it to his lips so he can kiss the ring. The ring of the king. In deference to the man standing before him.]
...Normally this is the part in royal-related shit where the underling says something like 'long live the king', but that's not, uh, that's not really gonna fly here, so.
I'm here for you.
......And I know you're here for me, too.
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[He really was stupid. They all were, a fallen bitter savior with his immature, doubtful shield and their hotheaded, reckless adviser.]
[A fitting disaster for the ashes of the burned line of Lucis.]
Until the end, no matter what may yet go wrong or right. I'm with you.
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Where is it?
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...
It's. uh. Did you say paperweight? Cuz. it's. in the dumbwaiter.
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[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
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