theairlock | THE FIFTH INVESTIGATION

I--I do not. Do you think I've never had a girlfriend before, man?

Well you've definitely never fucked anyone before here, so I dunno.

[LOBS A FUCKING MESSAGE TUBE AT CHURCH'S HEAD.]

Would you--?! Whether or not I did, that doesn't mean I need romantic advice from Freddie Mercury over here.

[Plunk, right off his head. Why you gotta make him laugh like that, Junpei?] I'm sorry, are you suggesting that Freddie Mercury gives bad romantic advice? Pick something other than Queen, then, like, I dunno, Celine Dion? But I'm not responsible if she dumps you for that.

I don't even know if we're--ugh. It's not like we ever defined the... what we're doing.

[Besides each other. Bow chicka wow wow.]

Uh, each other, and also, obviously you're romantically involved? You don't have to give it a word. I still call Tex my girlfriend even though we're exes, kind of, sort of? I mean she was almost my fiance, and...eh, it's always better not to define Tex in any way.

I'm just saying. You don't need to give it a definition. Unless she wants that. ...Unless you want that?

I don't--agh, no, I don't really want to. I think.

[Feelings are hard, Church.]

I just. It's just. It feels... dishonest, not to? When I'm... Let's say I've had a Tex in my life, too. I mean, not someone who could break me in half with her pinky, but someone I... who's kind of to me what Tex is to you, maybe.

Really Fucking Complicated, got it. No, really, that's...that's probably the title you should give whatever that is.

It's funny, I...

It's--

[Feelings are MEGA hard.]

I spent over a year alone, and I still miss her every day, but it's...it's better. It sucks, but it's not like an all-consuming thought. And I still...love her.

Like, wildly, madly, deeply, stupidly super wholly in love with her.

...But I gotta just deal with the fact that I'm probably never gonna see her again. I'll probably never know what really happened to her. [haha about that] I think this place...helps? A little? Almost. Puts things in perspective.

I... spent a year alone, too. Chasing after her. It's--hah. It's why I joined that detective agency. So I could tap into their resources.

[He doesn't say 'I love her.' He doesn't know what he feels about Akane, just that he feels it with every atom of his body--every invisible, resonant fiber of his mind.]

But with Yuuri, it's like... I tried to tell her it was complicated, with me, and she just said it doesn't have to be, and I... I want that? And she's sweet and kind and good and, God, I want to protect her, I want good things to happen to her and we're here.

[He sweeps a hand widely at the garden, at the steady stars. It's his robot hand. He breathes out slowly.]

Man. Nothing like the imminent specter of death breathing down your neck every day in a murdercan to make you question your priorities.

God, if I could've, I would've. In a heartbeat. We were apart before she showed up in the canyon, even after I told my idiot teammates not to call for Freelancer help, and I was--I was fine with that, because it was better that way, but then when she was there?

Man. When she's with me, nothing else matters. And when she's not with me...then I can breathe again, and sometimes I'm not sure I like the breathing.

[It's not healthy, exactly, but he also doesn't want to say 'it's not healthy' because he'll punch someone if they say it. Probably.]

We've got some fucked up priorities in a fucked up situation. I'm trying to save an already-dead ex-monarch turned basically the story of Lucifer with a shadow plague inside of him. Didn't put that down on my bucket list anywhere.

We'll find a place when we get out of here. Back to my reality, it can be quiet and away from the war. You two can settle down. Have some kids or whatever. Heart can figure out what to do with himself. Nari can figure out how interpersonal relationships are supposed to work. Did you know she and Cece are a thing now?

[Oh, good. A subject change. Junpei breathes out, because he doesn't know what to do with the chord Church just struck, the echoes ringing through the whole of him. 'Man. When she's with me, nothing else matters. And when she's not...']

Yeah. They're cute. And I think they'll be good for each other. Nari needs... hell if I know what Nari needs, exactly. Maybe what all of us need. Something that isn't total shit happening, for once.

[He doesn't know how he feels about the rest of it. Settling down, having kids or whatever... that feels weird. Like the script for a movie he didn't know he was in, in a genre he's not familiar with.]

...Where are you in that picture, man? You're not gonna stay away from the war, are you?

I've got orders, but orders can also kiss my ass. I don't see any reason, so long as we keep our heads down, that we can't just hunker down in a base and live there until something happens. [Something always happens.]

Hmmm. Maybe I can finally go into a new career. What about... space salvage. That's a thing, right?

THE FIFTH INVESTIGATION

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