THE FIFTH INVESTIGATION

[airlockedmods]

[As usual, the day begins at seven a.m.

Good morning, Champions.]

Comments

[scourgingstars]

Higher than you think, but low enough to know how to get you to stop talking.

[motherfucking_ghost]

I can't tell if I'm supposed to be insulted or if that's an invitation for me to find some way to occupy my mouth.

[scourgingstars]

It means you talk more than I do, and it's terribly annoying. I might almost try to get you to forget how to talk and start babbling like an idiot again.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Now, see... [Good thing neither of them have any sense of personal space, because man that is Church leaning very close.] That sounds like a challenge.

[scourgingstars]

No, that one was a threat. What you're doing is a challenge.

[motherfucking_ghost]

I'm used to both. And sometimes a threat is a promise.

[Mmmmhow about another look around real quick before hey Ardyn are you tired of Church pressing you against walls yet, it's been a while, and don't mind if his hands work their way down that stringbean body and sit right at his hips.

Sorry did I say hips, I mean ass. Hips, then ass. Yes good.]

Maybe you'll rise to the challenge?

[scourgingstars]

You're not one for personal space at all, are you?

[Church did not, somehow, get punched for that. What he did get was Ardyn's hand flat on his face, shoving him back with a quiet laugh.]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Awwwwwww c'mon! [It's a little muffled for having a hand in his face okay. He leans back with the shove, effectively removing his hands from Ardyn's bod, almost but not quite to tipping over point.] That was a good line.

[scourgingstars]

Yes, I'm sure everyone just falls all over themselves for you and your brilliant flirting techniques.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Okay he'll peel himself away and straighten up and wipe his mouth and fine, this is cool, nothing has to be weird between them, especially since Ardyn has not punched him across the room which seems to be a really good sign as far as he's concerned.] And I'm sure your techniques are just flawless.

[scourgingstars]

You see? That was a challenge.

[To which Ardyn responded by grabbing his own coat and pulling CHurch over with every intention of kissing the stupid off his face.]

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Wow okay so the challenges gotta be on Ardyn's terms we see how the game is played now

One of these times, maybe, Church is gonna be not caught off guard, but just as he was starting to get resigned, Ardyn's gotta kiss like that? And, like before, the note of surprise gets quickly swallowed, and instead of simple stunned silence, he leans into it, chases after, to deepen it if he's allowed.]

[scourgingstars]

[are you sure about this, church]

[like, really sure]

[because you might be losing that coat in the process]

[motherfucking_ghost]

[what makes you so sure he notices

...wait maybe it's because when his arms are free you know what ardyn's losing? it's the vest--

...

okay wait this vest has several layers and parts to it and he's also trying to do this while kissing so if after a few moments his hands seem really confused, it's because what the fuck is this outfit and why are there a bunch of big ornate things with like fabric streamers--does this...is this part of the vest, does it latch here?? is this just some Extra thing on top??

bras are not this difficult to figure out why is a vest

which means when he finally gives up for a moment he's just snatching the orange scarf instead so there]

[scourgingstars]

[welcome to final fantasy.]

[Ardyn might have lost the scarf in the process, but broke it off once he'd gotten his coat off of Church, pulling it back over his own shoulders.]

[...Which was the actual goal here, of course.]

Are you having some kind of problem?

[motherfucking_ghost]

[He is a little, predictably, bummed about the sudden lack of making out and the sudden return of the coat (it's warm as hell you're welcome), but mostly he's just squinting at that vest area like it's offended him.

It is offensive.]

How do you even get dressed in that?

[scourgingstars]

[well that's fantastic because as we have covered, he is perpetually goddamn cold]

It's easier than you think.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Not even in a stripping way, you have got to show me someday. It's all these parts! I had to put on full body armor every day, and that was probably easier! Although now I wanna see you try and put that shit on.

[This sure has reached a climax and now fallen. And he sure is uncomfortably tight in his pants now. What a way to start the day.

He holds up the scarf.] This is mine now, by the way.

[scourgingstars]

You're ridiculous. It's nowhere near as complex as you seem to think.

[this is your life, you're the one that decided to flirt with chancellor cockblock]

Not for long--you have to sleep at some point.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[at least they've had the talk about socks on doors.......]

Hey, by the way, did you know that you're the worst? [yes he did that's what he's been trying to tell you people] I'm ridiculous, you're the worst, and we're both fucking morons. Just so we've got all those bases covered.

[scourgingstars]

As a matter of fact, I did know that on all counts.