...A lot of things. My choice was... Perhaps more complex than I think anyone could realize at first. I think more than I realized at first, even. But there was a lot that went into it.
[ She'll look back down to the memorials. Specifically, she's looking to Mikaela's. ]
...A single life is easier to save, was one. Another was that, I would rather everyone be angry at me than potentially at themselves if we were wrong. Because if we were, and all of us died, leaving Queenie with that burden... And if there was anything after this life here... I knew and trusted you all enough that you would catch me and not let me dwell forever if I was wrong. Queenie... Wouldn't have had anyone. Just the horrible, crushing guilt of killing every single one of us.
[ She shakes her head a bit to clear it, remaining focused on the graves. ]
...I wouldn't have made that choice if I hadn't seen in him what I saw in you: someone worth trusting who, on some level, wanted to change. I kept thinking back, to earlier weeks. He didn't have to let us have that first party with the bowling instead of a motive. He didn't at all interrupt us, and let us have our fun that week. He sent a motive in silence later on, one that didn't interrupt us. And then there was Junpei's arm later on. He could have just left it at, "Then you shouldn't have interfered." But he didn't. So many small things that... That added up to a bigger picture.
So I accept that people are angry, and may even hate me. But no matter how many times we vowed that no one would kill someone, it... Didn't change. No matter how many times we tried to find ways out, we couldn't. So I took a leap of faith--that maybe, just maybe, even if everyone hated me or was angry, I could still find a way out for them. Even if they left me behind and we went our separate ways because of this. Because fighting against the one who controlled this place wasn't working. And I saw enough discussion of plans and wars during the Green Hunting to know that you change tactics when something isn't working, even if it means a great sacrifice--in this case, me.
[ She could survive killing Queenie, eventually. She might have been bad and depressed awhile, and even borderline broken for a time, but she'd survive. She'd lived through worse.
But she wasn't sure Queenie would have been able to survive killing them, and that alone, seeing her smiling again... Made it worth it. ]
...They may never forgive me, but that's... Okay. They'll be able to live, maybe even find eventual happiness. And that is... The most important thing to me.
no subject
[ Hm. What was she thinking? ]
...A lot of things. My choice was... Perhaps more complex than I think anyone could realize at first. I think more than I realized at first, even. But there was a lot that went into it.
[ She'll look back down to the memorials. Specifically, she's looking to Mikaela's. ]
...A single life is easier to save, was one. Another was that, I would rather everyone be angry at me than potentially at themselves if we were wrong. Because if we were, and all of us died, leaving Queenie with that burden... And if there was anything after this life here... I knew and trusted you all enough that you would catch me and not let me dwell forever if I was wrong. Queenie... Wouldn't have had anyone. Just the horrible, crushing guilt of killing every single one of us.
[ She shakes her head a bit to clear it, remaining focused on the graves. ]
...I wouldn't have made that choice if I hadn't seen in him what I saw in you: someone worth trusting who, on some level, wanted to change. I kept thinking back, to earlier weeks. He didn't have to let us have that first party with the bowling instead of a motive. He didn't at all interrupt us, and let us have our fun that week. He sent a motive in silence later on, one that didn't interrupt us. And then there was Junpei's arm later on. He could have just left it at, "Then you shouldn't have interfered." But he didn't. So many small things that... That added up to a bigger picture.
So I accept that people are angry, and may even hate me. But no matter how many times we vowed that no one would kill someone, it... Didn't change. No matter how many times we tried to find ways out, we couldn't. So I took a leap of faith--that maybe, just maybe, even if everyone hated me or was angry, I could still find a way out for them. Even if they left me behind and we went our separate ways because of this. Because fighting against the one who controlled this place wasn't working. And I saw enough discussion of plans and wars during the Green Hunting to know that you change tactics when something isn't working, even if it means a great sacrifice--in this case, me.
[ She could survive killing Queenie, eventually. She might have been bad and depressed awhile, and even borderline broken for a time, but she'd survive. She'd lived through worse.
But she wasn't sure Queenie would have been able to survive killing them, and that alone, seeing her smiling again... Made it worth it. ]
...They may never forgive me, but that's... Okay. They'll be able to live, maybe even find eventual happiness. And that is... The most important thing to me.