I'm pretty sure Sarge has been in the army as long as he's been alive, which could be any time between the last fifty years and the American Revolution. [A beat.] That's about 800 years ago. Joke in poor taste! I know. He uh. Has a habit of threatening his team, and his plans tend to be insanely convoluted.

Simmons is an ass-kissing sycophant of the highest of orders. He's a smart dude and a smartass, and yet he just lets Sarge do his thing. I think there's daddy issues there. Grif's lazy. ...That's it, really; he wants to sleep all day, and when he's not sleeping, he's eating, and effort is the last thing you'll ever get him to exert.

Donut is the innuendo-flinging double-entendre-saying happy-go-lucky guy in pink armor he insists is "lightish red". I like him, actually. I just can't...ever tell if he's saying shit on purpose or actually that clueless. He had a fucking spaceship drop on him, now that I think about it. And got a grenade to the face thanks to Tex. I...have no idea how he's still alive at this point. And Lopez is their worker mechanic robot that they accidentally shorted so it only speaks Spanish.

Nobody in the whole fucking canyon speaks Spanish.