theairlock | Onward, Into Darkness

Entry tags:

!round 1

Onward, Into Darkness

[Around dinnertime, when everyone has gone to their rooms and had their time to think about the day, a note is slipped underneath your door. It reads:

I've made soup for everyone tonight.
It would be a kindness if you were to come to the cafeteria and partake.
- Jane

And, true to the letter, when you enter the cafeteria, you're hit with the distinct smell of pumpkin. There's a large covered pot on one of the tables filled to the brim with a sweet pumpkin soup full of carrots and sweet potatoes, a ladle beside the pot, and a stack of bowls and spoons. There's even enough cutlery for Bolton and Jamie to come, if they want to show up - Jane is, if anything, an excellent host. Please help yourself! There's plenty more! is on a folded bit of paper beside the pot, but where is Jane?

Well, the kitchen door is propped open, and she's very diligently working on scraping out the remains of a huge, tasty pumpkin and setting the seeds aside. She sniffs every once in a while, and her face is a blotchy mess, but she's still going. Having something to do seems to keep her from diving too deeply into despair.

Just...don't let her, or yourselves, be distracted forever.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[knock knock]

Jane-chan...?

Come in.

[Jane doesn't sound okay when she speaks - if anything, her voice is rough and tired - and she doesn't look away from her work, either, but she's not denying anyone entry. That's why the door's open.]

Did you have some soup, Miss Yurika? I didn't really know what to put in it other than more orange stuff.

[She couldn't stand being in the greenhouse for any longer than it took to get what she did.]

It was good. Do you need help? I might not know a lot about cooking, but anyone should be able to clean up, right?

It's okay. I'll clean up for everyone tonight.

[She doesn't want anyone to take work away from her, but it's probably better for her to sit and cry and process everything, not play at being strong.]

...But I can still talk while I'm doing it, if you want to talk.

...I'm so sorry, Jane-chan!

[Yurika steadies herself with a hand on the countertop.]

I had that whistle sent to Kurumi-chan to keep her safe, I knew she had a tendency to lash out, she must have been so scared and I couldn't help any of them! Lightning-san said I needed to be the heart of this group, but I'm scared and I can't let them know it! I'm sorry... I never even told Kurumi-chan she was right...

[hwHAT THE FUCK JESUS

Jane jolts at the apology, dropping whatever pumpkin guts she's been working with, and whirls around to look at Yurika as she goes on. Initially, there's a gaping, dark doom that opens up in her heart to hear Yurika finally break down like this. She's always been strong, brave-faced, even in the midst of the personal failings she'd remembered...but...that tone of voice strikes Jane too much like her own. Shaking, she wipes her hands roughly on her thighs before coming forward.]

M-Miss Yurika...it...it's not wrong to be scared, you know...h-how could you have known what would happen? You were only...

[There's a squeeze in Jane's heart at the words she wants to say, and they almost stop her, but no - no, she needs to share them. She needs to be there for the people who helped keep her standing. How could she accept any kindness if she didn't return it?]

...You only wanted to make sure she was safe. Because you care. A-And, right now, you're scared because you care. And that's o-okay, we can...we can be scared together and it's okay...

...[sniff] I'm sorry, Jane-chan. I promised Lightning-san to keep going, and here I am losing it. I-- thank you. ...I am scared. If that's okay.

[Just. Coming over to hug you, don't mind the stray pumpkin guts. She might hug a little tighter than someone who's trying to comfort someone else, maybe because she's trying to make herself believe what she's said, but. She's trying.]

It's okay. This...place has been mostly scary. If you're not scared after everything that's happened, then...then you're not okay, right?

[Yurika hugs Jane tightly and sniffles, breathing in and out.]

You're right. Even if we've had a lot of fun here, the whole time, we've been terrified with good reason. There are people out there running our lives in here, and there's a mystery we have to solve together. Every one of us has problems individually, but that's why we need to work through them as a group, right?

I guess. Though...I don't really want to make anyone sort through my problems. Not...not with all this hanging over our heads.

[She loves the help. She's craved the help for more than she realizes, but if she's going to be stronger then she can't ask for that help. It feels like a hot coal in her stomach, but if she could hold her tongue around Jake for five months, she can...she can wait until things are calm to get opinions on hammering out the mess of her life.]

I want - I want us to be free, first. Really, truly free.

You're not making anyone do anything. We're going to be free together, and we'll be somewhere that none of this ever touches someday, no matter how long that takes.

But we've got to work towards that freedom, not...not Jane's trifling boy troubles. Or Togami's piss-poor behavior, or any of that.

[As for being touched by this...they'll always have it with them. The horror, the guilt, the imagery. The sense of failure. But over time, perhaps, it won't be so hurtful.]

That's exactly why it matters. We're still people, no matter what they've done to us.

...Golly. You have me there.

[But let's please put her problems aside, please. Too many people are hurting.]

...I'm glad you're here, Jane-chan. Thank you. You've always done your best for everyone.

...My best is all I've got.

[Her best will never be enough.]

That's a good thing. You've helped us a lot, every day, reminding us to keep on going.

...How? I...I'm not casting doubt, [Because the last thing we need is to make the adults more upset today] but I'm just. I'd like to know what makes you think so.

You're kind, you're determined, and you've never lost sight of how things should be. This is a horrible place and it is wrecking us, and if we get used to that like we've had to just to live, there's the risk of just accepting it. But you know things should be different. Remember when I said that some of us may be more experienced with fighting, but we're fighting for people like you?

[A nod.] But, Miss Yurika, I - I can fight too, I'm not helpless...

I know, and I'm proud of you. But being in one weird and terrifying situation after another and still coming out as much of a normal person as you can be, as much yourself as you can be, is really encouraging.

[...Really? Is such a thing truly encouraging, when yourself is something you despise? Jane bites her tongue on that, tries not to shake her head.]

If...if you say so.

You're a good kid, Jane-chan. I'm glad you're around, but you deserve better.

[Not really. She deserves a lot of things, but nothing better. Again, not gonna say that aloud.]

...I'm glad that I'm not alone, at least.

You're not alone, and I won't leave you alone. I promised to hold us together, and I will, okay?

Onward, Into Darkness

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)