Welcome to the Program

[airlockedmods]

Good Morning, Champions. In the interest of maintaining healthy sleep patterns, a day/night cycle is in effect. Your presence is expected in the cafeteria in exactly one hour.

[The voice comes through not a large speaker, but through the device that's attached to each Champion's arm. Further investigation of the features of the device will reveal a list of profiles, a mini-map, and a list of rules. The hallways are shiny white and silver, with running lights along the floor and lights on the ceiling, and at the junction of the hallways is a sign with a knife and fork icon and an arrow pointing down the hall.

Welcome to the Excellence Program, Champions. Time to get to know your teammates.]

Comments

room 17

[ambecomedeath]

[There's a muffled yell of frustration before the door to room 16 bursts open and a unitard-wearing penguin tumbles out, landing flat on his face.]

Ow.

[kingshaming]

...

[That sure is a.... bird? Honestly Xander's never seen a penguin before so he has no clue. But it's small and can talk and he's just gonna stare at it]

Are you... alright?

[He just sounds flabbergasted give him a moment]

[ambecomedeath]

I'm FINE, everything is TOTALLY FINE. [Toby hauls himself off the ground and peers up at Xander. Why humans gotta be so tall.] So. Did the Varelsi blow up your planet too?

[An easy smalltalk topic! Obviously this human must also be a space refugee with a blown up planet. Why else would he be on this spaceship?]

[kingshaming]

...what.

[Usually he is much more put together then this. He was a strong, stern military leader and does not get thrown off his game by small talking birds

But it's been a long day. It's only been 5 minutes but already it is way way too long- he's gone insane from stress and he's actually in one of the Fortress bed rooms ranting at the gods before he dies. Clearly that must be what's happening.

...so might as well go with it. It's a small cute bird creature so no need to be tense around it!]

No. My home is still in one piece.

[ambecomedeath]

[???? Ohhhhhh. Toby's heard of people like this. They deny the Varelsi blew up their planet. Toby pats Xander's, like. Ankle.

Seriously. Why do humans gotta be so tall?]

It's ok, big guy. Just accept reality and life gets a lot easier.

[kingshaming]

Sir, I assure you my home is not destroyed. I was with my siblings mere moments ago.

[He is getting comforted by a penguin what is happening]

[ambecomedeath]

Listen, I know it's tough to accept but we're all fighting the Varelsi. You should join the UPC! I'm sure they'd love to have someone like you fighting for them!

[Toby's pretty sure this guy is tall, even for a human, and also probably good with fighting. He looks like he's good with fighting.]

I could build you a cool gun.

[kingshaming]

[Toby please you are confusing the poor boy. All of that is Greek to him so he just picks one thing to focus on at a time]

I'm sorry, but what is a 'gun'?

[ambecomedeath]

You know.

[He mimes holding a machine gun, because of course.]

Long range weapon so you can go [please imagine a penguin making machine gun noises and improve your day] and kill all the Varelsi before they even get CLOSE to you. But if you're into swords, I can do those too. Or I can put a gun ON your sword!

[Xander, do not fucking let this penguin make you a gunblade. He will do it and he'll give it a grenade launcher too, for good measure.]

[kingshaming]

[His first thought is a bow, but the more Toby explains the closest he manages is:]

You mean a ballista? That is certainly too heavy to put on a sword!

[ambecomedeath]

Huh? No, it's like a tiny ballista that shoots [uh] really small arrowheads that go really fast and cut through people like swords.

[NAILED IT.]

[kingshaming]

... I see.

[Like a gunpowder loaded bow. He gets the idea]

Seems extremely dangerous.

[ambecomedeath]

I mean, ALL weapons are dangerous if you don't use them properly. As a weapons engineer I do what I can to make them safer, but I can't make them completely safe. It defeats the whole purpose!

[kingshaming]

Well... yes. But black powder is a bit more of a risk to the one using it then a sword.

[ambecomedeath]

I mean, if you want to be really safe I can make a rail gun.

[TOBY, THIS POOR MAN DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A GUN IS DON'T TRY TO EXPLAIN ELECTROMAGNETIC ONES.]

Then the worst that can happen on the user end is the electronics stop working and you can't shoot anymore! Ok, maybe it sparks a little. It's perfectly safe, though!

[kingshaming]

[Safe. Sure]

If you can find a means to make a 'gun' here then I will certainly use it. Does that seem agreeable?

[ambecomedeath]

[YESSSSS.]

If I can figure out how to get around that rule about modifying machinery, I'm TOTALLY making you a gun.

[A normal person: DON'T GIVE PEOPLE WEAPONS IF THEY MIGHT MURDER YOU. Toby: I'M GONNA BUILD EVERYONE A GUN!!!]

[kingshaming]

Please don't get yourself punished on my account.

[ambecomedeath]

I'm not gonna get myself punished. I always follow the rules!

[This is a blatant lie.]

[kingshaming]

[He crosses his arms across his chest. Sure, after how eager he was to make a gun Xander totally buys that]

1/2

[ambecomedeath]

[LOOK AT THIS INNOCENT PENGUIN FACE.

DON'T YOU BELIEVE HE'S A GOOD BOY WHO WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG.]

[ambecomedeath]

[. . . ok fine.]

Ok, ok. Maybe I bend them sometimes. Only SLIGHTLY.

[kingshaming]

[He chuckles]

Well, a little boldness isn't always a bad thing.